Oscars

So, for me the theme of the show this year was: "Very nice people giving terrific speeches in acceptance of awards they oughtn't have won."

Sandra Bullock seems like a lovely person, GREAT speech, obviously heartfelt... but "The Blindside" is a piece of shit and she's pretty bad in it.

No way did "Hurt Locker" - a serviceable but utterly pedestrian war-is-hell script - deserve a Best Original Screenplay win over "Inglorious Basterds." Yes, fine, hooray for low-budget indies and all that, but give me a break. Like I said, another great speech... but if anyone remembers "Locker" a year from now - which is a dicey prospect, at best - it's exclusively because Kathryn Bigelow is a peerless director of action sequences. Speaking of which...

It's unfortunate that the whole thing had to be between "Avatar" and "Locker" for Picture - utterly-shallow big-budget actioner versus equally-shallow low-budget actioner- and it's right and just that Kathryn Bigelow has freed herself from directorial limbo at last... but c'mon. "Avatar," at least, had the minimum novelty of being revolutionary and a pop-cultural "event," but there's no way "Locker" even belonged on the nominee list in the same year "Watchmen" and "Moon" got shut-out.

This is another Pulp/Gump/Shawshank year: People will bitch back and forth about "Avatar" and "Hurt Locker" for the next two years, and then by 2012 "Locker" will be in the $5 bin, "Avatar" will be the perenial big-box-store LCD "demo blu-ray" and people will be shaking their heads wondering why "Inglorious Basterds" - which by then will have been running in near-permanent rotation on the cables - was overlooked.

Whatever. Good on the "Hurt Locker" people for sincerely thanking the troops, if nothing else. On Monday morning, offers every un-attached action franchise on the planet will be piled up in Kathryn Bigelow's office. Show of hands on everyone who was surprised to be reminded that there has NEVER been a black Best Director winner. Taylor Lautner looks like a middle schooler in his older brother's tuxedo. The star of "Soul Plane" and the director of "Point Break" both have Oscars.

Oh, and if you're wondering: Yes, the Fisher Stevens accepting the Best Documentary award for producing "The Cove" IS Fisher Stevens the actor you might remember from "Hackers," "Super Mario Bros.," "My Science Project" and the "Short Circuit" movies.