Gangs of New York (2002)

I finally watched Lars von Trier's Dogville last week and I loved it, so I figured it was about time to watch another of those movies I've been putting off for years because of its length, Martin Scorsese's Gangs of New York. 

It is set in 1863 when gangs ran the streets of New York and the government couldn't or wouldn't gain control of the city, and it mainly focuses on Amsterdam Vallon (Leonardo DiCaprio), a young man whose father (Liam Neeson) was killed sixteen years before by Bill "the Butcher" Cutting (Daniel Day-Lewis), the leader of the most powerful gang in New York, and is now seeking revenge. 

Scorsese's intention is pretty clear, he wanted to make a realistic, historically accurate movie about the story of New York. The problem is that he chose a revenge plot that isn't of the most compelling as it is entirely predictable and with a resolution and could and should have come a lot earlier. As for the history of New York, specifically of lower Manhattan, it is quite messy and confusing because there's too much going on —abolitionism, immigration, racism, to name a few of the topics— and not enough time to address all these issues properly. The story did start out interesting, but eventually, it lost my interest completely. 

The characters aren't very helpful either. Amsterdam Vallon has to be one of the weakest leading characters ever. He's more of a supporting character in his own story than anything else as he lacks characterization and development. He is not interesting and you just don't care about his fate. Leonardo DiCaprio is quite dreadful in the role as he lacks the presence requested by such a role. Bill "the Butcher" Cutting is one of the most cartoonish villains out there and yet he is way more charming and interesting than the guy we are supposed to root for, and the credits entirely go to Daniel Day-Lewis who yet again, despite the script, gives a strong performance and makes quite a threatening villain and ends up being the only compelling thing in Gangs of New York. The rest of the characters and cast are just mediocre, Cameron Diaz and her Jenny Everdeane being the worst of them all as her performance is terrible as always and her character exists for no reason whatsoever.

Miramax Films

It's the direction, however, the most disappointing aspect of the film. Gangs of New York looks amateurish at its best —some shots are so ugly they make your eyes hurt—, the editing is choppy, the action isn't exciting and the humour not only doesn't add anything to the film, but it makes it look cheap. The scenery is quite beautiful and the costumes are well done but overall I think Gangs of New York is quite an overrated film. If I didn't know it, I would have never guessed Martin Scorsese was behind this.

Very Bad Things (1998)

I don't know how Very Bad Things ended up on my watchlist —I think it was on a Top 10 Black Comedies list or something—, I just know that it did somehow and I've been putting it off ever since, that being about four years. I finally decided to give it a chance and damn, it is messed up. 

The film follows a group of friends, Kyle Fisher (Jon Favreau), Charles Moore (Leland Orser), Robert Boyd (Christian Slater), Michael Berkow (Jeremy Piven) and his brother Adam (Daniel Stern), who heads to Las Vegas for Kyle's bachelor party. With booze and cocaine in their bloodstream, they get pretty wild, things get out of control and a prostitute (Kobe Tai) gets killed. They decide to get rid of the body and soon the bodies are piling up. 

The story is a very, very, very dark and twisted one, the kind of story you either like or hate. And, no matter how ridiculous and far-fetched it is, or how many plot holes it has, it's definitely got the potential to be pretty awesome. Unfortunately, the execution leaves a lot to be desired and the result is a boring and uninteresting story, and it feels like it's never coming to an end.

The characters are all terrible people which is the filmmakers' way to show that every single one of us has a bad side, no matter how nice and good they look, especially those that look like saints. They also are quite annoying and irritating though which makes the film pretty difficult to watch and makes you wish they all could die. In the end they all get what they deserve, especially Cameron Diaz's Laura, Kyle's fiancée, who easily is the most obnoxious of the bunch. Robert was the only likeable character for me but I guess I liked him because I have a soft spot for Christian Slater and his charisma. 

Which brings me to the cast and their overall terrible performances, especially Diaz's as she yet again delivers her predictable shallow and wooden performance. There's something positive to say about the actors though, they don't act as if they were in a comedy but as if that shit happened in real life —they panic, freak out and do stupid things without trying to be funny, just like most human beings would do in that situation. 

PolyGram Filmed Entertainment

As I mentioned above, the biggest issue I had with Very Bad Things is the way it was executed, not only plot-wise. You don't just need a dark story and some jokes but make an effective dark comedy, you need to set the right tone and of course to entertain. The film has a very dark tone right from the start, but it's more dramatic than comic and it keeps being that way for most of the film's running time. Sure, there are some funny moments —no matter how tasteless they are, some jokes are funny— but overall the film felt flat for me. 

Charlie's Angels (2000)

I never watched the popular TV series and if it wasn't for Sam Rockwell, I would have never watched Charlie's Angels either. I don't know what it is, but there's something about it that seems to be screaming, shitty movie alert. Well, my gut was right. This is a shitty movie.

After stopping a man from blowing up an aeroplane, Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore) and Alex (Lucy Liu), also known as Charlie's Angels --Charlie is a mysterious dude we, the Angels and the audience, are not allowed to see-- are hired by programmer Eric Knox (Sam Rockwell) to retrieve his voice-recognition software that has been stolen. The suspicion falls on Roger Corwin (Tim Curry), Knox's rival. 

That's the storyline. The development is a whole different thing. Actually, there's no development, and the film drags on for way too long with so many subplots it's hard to keep count. It seems like the filmmakers were trying to make the film more complex, but they only made it more laughable. There are some twists but they are predictable *SPOILER*I saw the one about Rockwell coming as soon as he showed up at the beginning of the film*SPOILER* and so many plotholes you need to shut your brain and keep logic away if you don't want to get frustrated. Because of that, the plot is not engaging nor interesting. 

The awful characters and the equally awful performances sure don't help. If you are a woman, like me, who is interested in seeing strong female characters and girl power, like me, then stay the hell away from Charlie's Angels. The Angels are one-dimensional and quite offensive, to be honest. They are supposed to be female James Bond but they are more like Bond girls trying to fight crime. Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu can't act. Period. Drew Barrymore is usually a better actress but the poor script doesn't allow her to do much. She is still able though to be funny and kind of sexy at the same time.

Columbia Pictures

The supporting characters are just as bad. The good guys deserve a special mention for being as interesting as watching paint dry. There's even a ridiculous and quite frankly embarrassing performance from Bill Murray. The bad guys, that's a different story. And the actors playing them deserve full credits. Both Sam Rockwell and Tim Curry give pretty awesome performances. They are not phenomenal but they easily steal the show. 

Next up is the action, just as terrible as everything else. The action sequences are cheesy and beyond laughable. How do they even dare to call this action? 

If you want to see Cameron Diaz's ass though and Lucy Liu acting like a dominatrix, Charlie's Angels is perfect for you.