Thursday, 8 March 2012

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: LOOKER


“This fun, silly thriller written and directed by Michael Crichton manages to combine the dramatic murders of beautiful models, a secret conspiracy to use TV commercials for mind-control, and an unusual seeing-eye device which makes the wearer invisible. Plastic surgeon Larry Roberts (Albert Finney) becomes the prime suspect after two models on whom he operated are killed. Larry becomes suspicious because both of the women came into his office asking for very precise and seemingly unnecessary physical alterations. Agreeing to operate, because the women's jobs depended on the surgery, Larry must now clear his own name and save his life and career. With the aid of a friend and model Cindy (Susan Dey), Larry discovers and foils the plot led by corporation-head John Reston (James Coburn). Larry must then fight for his life against Reston's thugs who are equipped with the devices, called "Lookers." This is good, if silly fun and Albert Finney does his best with a somewhat implausible script.” – Rovi’s AllMovie Guide.


You would think a movie written and directed by the same guy who penned Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, and Westworld would be better known than it is, but, sadly, the only thing most sci-fi geeks (the guys anyway) seem to remember about Looker nowadays is that it’s the movie in which Susan Dey (the girl who played Laurie from The Partridge Family) briefly appears nude (in a PG rated film, what the…). Pathetic, I know, but then again, what do you expect from a crowd who still pines away for Slave Girl Leia even though its been almost thirty years since Carrie Fisher could fit into that bikini. The funny thing is, that propensity for men to focus on a woman’s physical attributes is actually one of the things explicitly addressed in Looker. In one scene in particular, Albert Finney’s character is hooked up to a computer monitored headset which tracks what parts of the television screen his eyes are focused on. Needless, to say, when shown a commercial for a soft drink featuring a scantily clad young lady lounging on a sailboat, the good doctor’s gaze is found to wander over everything except for the can of soda itself. This being an obvious problem for the advertisers, the testers instruct the computer to reposition the can to a more, shall we say, strategic location slightly below the actress’ chin.

Now that setup probably doesn’t sound all that science-fictiony given that such scenarios most likely play out hourly on the MacBooks of every advertising agency in the world these days, but remember that Looker was made in 1981, a time when about the best home computer the average Joe could get ahold of was an 8-bit Commodore. So, given that Looker was released decades before moviegoers would see the likes of Gollum, Caesar the ape, & (ugh) Jar Jar Binks, it’s kind of interesting to watch a movie where the central conceit is that computer animated actors will one day come to replace human beings. Of course, this being a screenplay by accused technophobe Michael Crichton, there’s a sinister side to the technology (yes, even more sinister than creating characters like Jar Jar). As it turns out, the reason given as to why digital thespians will become so commonplace is that humans simply aren’t perfect enough.

You see, along with inventing the L.O.O.K.E.R. (Light Ocular-Oriented Kinetic Emotive Responses) hypnotizing gun and a method of brainwashing television viewers utilizing light pulses, James Coburn and the eeevil scientists at the Digital Matrix laboratory also calculated the exact physical measurements a person needs in order to be appealing to the broadest audience. That’s why Finney’s plastic surgeon character has a string of models coming into his office seeking reconstructive surgery for reasons such as their cheekbones are 0.4 millimeters too high or their areola is 5 millimeters too wide. But it doesn’t stop there. Even after all of the models receive the required surgical corrections, Digital Matrix determines that the illusion of perfection is broken once the women start moving around. In order to maintain the desired results, it’s decided that the bodies of the actresses need to be optically scanned into the computers and animated, as digital duplicates, unlike their human counterparts, can be programmed to maintain optimal positioning. Hence the scene in which Susan Dey, much to the delight of Partridge Family slash fiction aficionados everywhere (c’mon, it’s the Internet, you know they’re out there somewhere), doffs her clothing and steps into the world’s biggest scanner. Unfortunately, once all the models are properly pixelated, Digital Matrix decides it no longer needs the live women and begins killing them off to prevent competitors from acquiring their services.

It’s all kind of silly (do you really need a geometrically perfect woman just to sell floor wax?), full of plot holes (hey, we’re the police, but we think we’ll just follow the plastic surgeon around and watch him handle everything), and not well put together (the original theatrical cut of the film notoriously has the reason for the murders entirely edited out), but in the end Looker is still a pretty decent time killer. And in an offhand way, it does make the point that ultimately no man or woman can hope to achieve perfection. Just read Romans chapter 3 if you need to confirm exactly how lousy we all are at even when we try. Which makes this last Saturday’s gospel reading a bit disconcerting, because in it Jesus bluntly tells his disciples, “So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Does this reading mean Jesus is demanding the impossible of us?

Well, not really. See, this is another one of those cases where it would be handy to have someone majoring in Biblical language studies hanging around the house while you’re reading Scripture. It turns out that in the original Greek, the word we have translated as ‘perfect’ is ‘telios’ which does not mean being sinless or without any flaws, but rather means being completed or brought to full purpose. Taken in this sense, something is ‘perfect’ only when it is fulfilling its highest calling. For example, in Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers, the killer cat creature uses a piece of corn-on-the-cob to stab a policeman in the back. Now, while it might be possible to use corn-on-the-cob in this fashion (you know, in some alternate universe where corn is made of the same substance as Wolverine’s claws), that is not what corn is purposed for. Corn-on-the-cob is only ‘complete’ when it serves the purpose for which it was made… to be eaten. Preferably drenched in hot cholesterol packed butter. Mmmmm.

Sorry, I digress. This whole no nighttime snacks during Lent is getting to me.

Anyway, what this means is that when Jesus is instructing us to be perfect, he’s not suggesting we scrupulously get hung up over our most minute flaws, but rather that we make the attempt to fulfill our highest purpose. And to find out exactly what that purpose is, all we need to do is go back a few sentences and read a bit more of Saturday’s gospel. “You have heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers and sisters only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” In short, we are only ‘complete’ as human beings when we strive to love others in the same way God does.

Which, considering some of the jerks out there, is probably harder than reaching physical perfection or shoving a piece of corn through somebody’s back. But we have to try, right?


Tuesday, 6 March 2012

"Venom" To Rise Again At Sony

As expected, the success of "Chronicle" put director Josh Trank at the top of the to-call list for damn near every still-gestating superhero project; and now it appears he's about to take his pick: A stand-alone vehicle built around "Venom." Yes, the Spider-Man villain.

Wait, what?

Okay, so the reason this is happening is because - despite not having been interesting once since the end of his main origin story - Venom is one of Marvel's cash-cows in terms of marketing (unless what you're trying to market are comic books, in which case everyone stopped giving a shit after Maximum Carnage.) Sony has been planning to give Venom his own movie franchise since before "Spider-Man 3," which is one of the reasons the character was forced into the movie (against director Sam Raimi's wishes) in the first place.

But... that's what makes this a head-scratcher: Sony has now re-booted Spider-Man, meaning that the Venom this new franchise was initially supposed to "start" from is kaput, right? I mean, they can't very well call "Venom" a continuation of "Spider-Man 3" at the same time that the new "Amazing Spider-Man" franchise is just getting off the ground, can they? Wouldn't that confuse the crap out of everybody? Or is this inadvertently spoiling that the "seeds" of the Venom story will be making some kind of appearance in "Amazing?" (Which, given the raging hard-on the producers have for this character, would be the least surprising thing that could happen in that movie.)

The answer, of course, is likely that the film will be "it's own thing" with no connection to the Spider-Man series and some totally new character getting infected by The Symbiote... except here's the problem with that: Spider-Man is the ONLY reason anyone cares about Venom.

The reason Venom is a great seller of t-shirts, toys and other sundry merchandising is that he looks cool; and what looks cool about him is that he's a "monster-version" of Spider-Man - right down to all of his powers being Spider-Man's powers. If this movie doesn't have any connection to Spider-Man, how do you explain the living-costume putting Spider-Man's logo on it's chest and using his web powers? I mean, you can't just leave that stuff out - take away the spider-powers and the "evil Spidey" look and this ceases to be the uber-marketable Venom that justified making the movie in the first place.

WEEKLY NEWSREEL: 3½ TIME-OUTS TUESDAY (VOL. 15)

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic, and all you other Christians at sea. It’s been awhile since we’ve had a Weekly Newsreel here at the B-Movie Catechism, but since we’ve been wanting to contribute to the 3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday hosted by LarryD over at Acts of the Apostasy for awhile now, this just seemed like the best format to do so. Now off to press.

I

DATELINE: WASHINGTON D.C. - It was announced by the Pentagon that The Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) has created a "Cheetah" robot which can gallop up to 18 mph… because, you know, having a robot that can outrun human beings couldn’t possibly be a bad idea.

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Progress is fine, Pope Benedict XVI once said, but “the common good is the end that gives meaning to progress and to development, which otherwise would be limited to the sole production of material goods. Progress and development are necessary, but if they are not oriented to the common good, they lead to the negative consequences of the prevalence of consumerism, waste, poverty and excess.” And possibly Terminators, though His Holiness didn’t say as much.

II

DATELINE: NEW SOUTH WALES - A recent study by Dr Matthew Michael Large shows that people who gouge their own eyes out (a.k.a. self-enucleation) do not do so because of religious fervor (if thine eye offends thee…), but rather because they are, in fact, quite frickin’ insane.

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While the Catechism does note that “there is no holiness without renunciation and spiritual battle [and that] spiritual progress entails the ascesis and mortification that gradually lead to living in the peace and joy of the Beatitudes”, the old Catholic Encyclopedia points out that mortification is typically considered “the deliberate restraint that one places on natural impulses in order to make them increasingly subject to sanctification through obedience to reason illumined by faith… One example is the law of fast and abstinence.” So, giving up meat on Friday, that’s mortification. Gouging out your own eyes… not so much.

III

DATELINE: SHINGO – Thinking of visiting the Holy Land this Easter to  see the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. Well, forget it. According to the Takenouchi Documents, a set of ancient papers discovered in 1935 and transcribed by cosmoarcheologist(!?!) Wado Kosaka (the man who once ‘contacted’ a UFO on live television), you need to travel to Japan in order to see the true burial place of Jesus. As revealed in these writings, “Christ first visited Japan between the ages of 21 and 33 (the Bible does in fact skip over large periods of Christ's early life, and many theories exist about what he did in the intervals). The document claims he studied the native language and culture before returning to Jerusalem, where he was crucified. Only it wasn't really him who was crucified. His younger brother, Isukiri (who makes no appearance in the Bible), nobly took his place on the cross, pretending to be the Son of God, while the real Christ fled to Siberia. A few years later, via Alaska, he arrived at the port of Hachinohe, just 40 km from Shingo. He made his way to the village, where he married, had three children, and lived to the age of 106.” While even most of the locals in Shingo admit to believing the whole story to be a hoax, you have to admit, it still sounds more plausible than The DaVinci Code.

davinci

1/2

And on a final note, we here at Eegah, Inc. decided that during Lent it would be a nice idea to replace night time snacking with praying a rosary. It’s been two weeks now and let me tell you… those beads are starting to look awful yummy.

And with that, we here at the Newsreel sign off, as is our custom, with the immortal words of the great Les Nessman. Good evening, and may the good news be yours.

Big Picture: "Not Okay"

Here's the new episode. Here's some stuff you probably need to know about first.

Monday, 5 March 2012

Unnecessary

So... this is the trailer for this year's SECOND least-needed threequel, "Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted." Do you see what I see?



Is that a fucking DECAPITATED PUPPY at 1:13? Because I'm pretty damn certain that's a fucking decapitated puppy at 1:13.

What.

The.

FUCK?

Clarity Of Flippancy

People forget this, but the purpose of "irreverent" humor is to get to the fundamental truth of something by cutting through the solemnity or import that surrounds it - to refer to disreputable pharmacuetical companies as "Drug Dealers," for example.

So it was when I read this Washington Post opinion piece from Lisa Miller; which aims to take an "if-it-walks-like-a-duck" look at the image of American "conservative" politics of the moment as typified by the movement's two dominant public-images: Pols and pundits crusading for the moral-right to keep women away from birth-control on one hand; Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum's campaign-images as patrician papas flanked by their beaming, obedient wives and armies of offspring on the other. What she comes up with is nicely summarized by the headline the Post's online-version used to tease the piece: "The Republican Fertility Cult."

Short, accurate, incendiary and to-the-point. Well done.

19th Czech Lion Winners

Last Saturday the Academy had the awards ceremony and winners in all categories can be found here, available only in Czech or here in English. Winners are in *BLUE.

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2/21/12
Recently the Czech Academy announced the nominees for this year and Vaclav Havel’s Leaving has the most nominations with 12, including Best Film, Best Director and Best Screenplay. Here are the nominees in the main categories.

Best Film
Alois Nebel, Tomás Lunák
Nevinnost, Jan Hřebejk
Odcházení (Leaving), Václav Havel
*Poupata (Flower Buds), Zdenek Jirasky
Rodina je základ státu, Robert Sedlácek

Best Director
Tomás Lunák for Alois Nebel
Jan Hřebejk for Nevinnost
Václav Havel for Odcházení (Leaving)
*Zdenek Jirasky for Poupata (Flower Buds)
Robert Sedlácek for Rodina je základ státu

Best Actress in a Leading Role
*Anna Geislerová in Nevinnost, Jan Hřebejk
Dagmar VeÅ¡krnová – Havlová in Odcházení (Leaving), Václav Havel
Ivana Chýlková in I ženy mají své dny (Perfect Days), Alice Nellis
Malgorzata Pikus in Poupata (Flower Buds), Zdenek Jirasky
Eva Vrbková in Rodina je základ státu, Robert Sedlácek

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Miroslav Krobot in Dům, Zuzana Liová
Karel Roden in Lidice, Petr Nikolaev
Josef Abrhám in Odcházení (Leaving), Václav Havel
*Vladimír Javorský in Poupata (Flower Buds), Zdenek Jirasky
Ondřej Vetchý in Vendeta, Miroslav Ondruš

To check nominees in all categories go here available only in Czech.  Award ceremony will be on March 3 and will be broadcast live on CT1.