Yoga Hosers Movie Review

Yoga Hosers (2016)

Rent Yoga Hosers on Amazon Video
Written by: Kevin Smith
Directed by: Kevin Smith
Starring: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp, Adam Brody, Ashley Greene, Justin Long, Tony Hale, Natasha Lyonne, Haley Joel Osment
Rated: PG-13
Watch the trailer

Plot
Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans.

Verdict
This has a lot of ideas, not all good unfortunately, yet it throws everything at you hoping something will stick. It doesn't execute the ideas, and it's not funny. Pop culture references with no set up or pay off don't count as a joke. It has the hallmarks of a b-movie horror, but the most interesting aspects of the story are ignored. The chemistry between the girls is great, but it can't fix the inherent problems.
Skip it.

Review
I want to like this. I don't, but i want to. Mini-Canadian Nazis made of sausage is a ridiculous idea. It's a solid premise that's discarded too soon to up the stakes.

This is a strange tribute to or satire of Canada. I checked whether Kevin Smith is Canadian. He's not, he just likes Canada. It's hard to believe this is the guy that made Dogma (1999). That's what Yoga Hosers best compares to, though that's an insult to Dogma and I haven't seen Tusk (2011). I thought the chemistry between the girls was good, but the dialog rarely is.The movie relies heavily on just a few jokes. It's strange that a movie at times rooted in female empowerment more than once treats one of the girls as an airhead for a cheap joke.

I wouldn't be surprised if Smith told everyone to just try their best and leave it at that. It seems lazy. This being a family affair with Smith playing the Bratzis as well as his wife, daughter and Johnny Depp and his family cast makes this seem like a vehicle for family and friends with a few corners cut. This is frequently over-stylized with all of character introductions overload with a image of InstaCam graphic and too much text to actually read.

The first conflict is a senior party the sophomore Colleens want to attend despite being forced to work. Then the Bratzis are introduced. It's silly, but I don't mind that. I assumed this movie would be a Gremlins type story where the girls must save the city and destroy the sausage soldiers. It's not and that's unfortunate.

The CGI is rough. When the Colleens kill the Bratzis, , through the power of yoga, a yellow obviously CGI goo appears. I assumed it was not red blood to maintain the PG-13 rating. I wasn't sure what it was supposed to be until a character reveals its sauerkraut. I don't know why sausages explode in sauerkraut. I also don't know why CGI was used when real sauerkraut would have looked so much better.

The girls end up in jail at one point and the movie hand waves them getting out of jail. That could have been a really cool sequence. Then again in this movie, maybe not. The movie should have focused on them. Nothing else in this movie is interesting, not even the Johnn Depp & main villain's scenery chewing or the hockey monster.

Even the senior party conflict seems like this could be a movie where the girls have to defeat a bunch of devil worshippers. The movie has a lot of ideas and doesn't do any of them justice.