Swiped (2018)

I wake up very early in the morning —5:30— and because of that I collapse on the bed pretty early —around 10pm, with some exceptions here and there— so I rarely watch movies at night. The other night I wasn't tired and I wanted to watch something light, so when I stumbled upon Swiped, a (romantic) comedy involving dating apps and starring Noah Centineo, I decided to give it a shot. If I knew what I was getting myself into, I wouldn't even have woken up that day. 

The film follows James Singer (Kendall Ryan Sanders), a coding genius and tech nerd who is off to a bad start in his first college semester as his roommate Lance (Noah Centineo) and his two idiotic friends Dylan (Christian Hutcherson) and Daniel (Nathan Gamble) begins to bully him. College life gets better for James when Lance convinces him to create a hook-up app where men and women are not allowed to learn names, go on proper dates or commit in any sort of relationship. When the app spreads outside college too, James must face unexpected consequences. 

There's also a romantic subplot involving James and Hannah, the girl he hasn't talked to nor seen since he embarrassed her in front of everyone at their high school senior prom, which is easily the most cringy romance of the year, but definitely not the worst part of the story. The whole idea of creating an app to allow guys to screw girl without having to talk or see them ever again is disgusting. I know that a lot of guys already do that on apps like Tinder, but what really sickens me about Swiped is that it was written by a woman, director Ann Deborah Fishman, and I don't care that girls eventually get their revenge, a woman should not come up with something like this. Also, what the actual fuck with lady killer Lance getting the girl at the end? 

The characters fit the story very well as they are one-dimensional and very idiotic. Here's the characterization: James is a nerd who's been coding since he was seven; Lance thinks about sex 24/7; Hannah likes to read; the others, they have no personality trait whatsoever. It doesn't matter though, they all are equally forgettable. The tremendously dreadful acting from every single member of the cast doesn't help either. Actually, it even worsens the situation as their line delivery is so weird it makes your ears bleed. 

Liberty Productions dba Night Dove Pictures

Also as flat as a board is the comedy. I'm still not sure whether some moments where supposed to be humorous or just idiotic —James and Hannah seem to know each other pretty well and yet Hannah is surprised to hear that James knows who Jane Austin is and that he loves her work—, I do know that I didn't laugh a single time while watching Swiped.

Ultimately, Swiped is a huge waste of time and money as well as a wasted opportunity as Fishman's intention to address the issues of people not talking to each other in real life any more, isn't explored as it should have.