Bird Box (2018)

I’ve been living of mobile data —aka limited GB— for the past three weeks which translated in pretty much no Netflix. A day before its renewal, I realised I still had many data left so, being a fan of Sandra Bullock since always and being intrigued by the plot, I decided to watch Bird Box, or as I like to call it, how I decided to waste data and miss the interactive Black Mirror movie.

Just in case you haven’t heard of it, Bird Box follows a woman, Malorie (Sandra Bullock), as she tries to find a way to guide herself and two kids, Boy (Julian Edwards) and Girl (Vivien Lyra Blair), to safety. The catch? They must remain blindfolded the entire time as there are some unseen deadly forces that cause whoever that looks to commit suicide.

While it’s not correct to say that it is a copy/rip-off of A Quiet Place as it's based on a book published four years ago, Josh Malerman's Bird Box, the storyline is very similar to that of Krasinski’s film, the silence being replaced with the blindness. It is just as simple and flawed with its plot holes —this one is way more illogical though— and nonsense —seriously, why does everyone have to have kids in these (post-)apocalyptic films? However, it isn't nearly compelling as A Quiet Place's. On the contrary, it is tedious and unengaging, mostly because the entire plot is explained to us in the first ten minutes or so, and they stretched it for two hours. As for the ending, it does not work as a horror with a happy ending is very difficult to pull off.

Another of Bird Box's problems lays in its characters. They are so thin, you can see through them. They don't have arcs, they disappear with any sort of explanation —what happened to Luy and Felix?—, they make the dumbest decisions ever. They are not interesting —the only exception being John Malkovich's Douglas who isn't used at his best— and they are unlikeable, even Sandra Bullock's Malorie, which is a lot said by someone who loves Sandy since always. Hence, you don't care about any of them. 

It's the acting, however, the most disappointing aspect of the film. Bullock looks disinterested and bored as if she didn't want to be in the film, and fails to deliver the emotions, pain and struggles of Malorie. Also, isn't she a bit too old to play a young mom? Okay, she doesn't show her age, but still. The child actors are quite pathetic, but they pale in comparison with Machine Gun Kelly, who gives easily the worst performance here. And I'll never understand why waste actors such as John Malkovich and Sarah Paulson to play minor roles, especially the latter who is in the film for five minutes top.

Netflix

With all that being said, it comes without saying that Bird Box is not effective as a horror movie. It doesn't have any tension nor suspense whatsoever. It's not scary at all as the film is filled with lame jump scares. Frankly, I don't understand why Stephen King said this movie is scary. Either there's something wrong with him, or studios pay him to say so.

Dumplin' (2018)

With a few exceptions —Annihilation and Apostle are the only I can think of right now— Netflix originals have been quite disappointing this year —Outlaw King, in particular— so I wasn't sure whether to give Dumplin' a chance or not, especially since there's Jennifer Aniston. But then some other blogger, I don't recall who, said it was fun so I gave it a try. 

The film follows Willowdean (Danielle MacDonald), the plus-size daughter of a former beauty queen, Rosie (Jennifer Aniston) who was raised by her Aunt Lucy (Hillary Begley). After an argument with her mother —Will accuses Rosie of being resentful of her for her looks, and Rosie insinuates that Lucy would still be alive if she had taken better care of herself— Will signs up for the Miss Teen Bluebonnet pageant, preseeded by her mother, as a protest which escalates when other misfits, Millie (Maddie Baillio) and Hannah (Bex Taylor-Klaus), follow her footsteps and sing up for the pageant. 

Plot-wise, the film isn't particularly strong as it is clichéd, cheesy and predictable —at least the beauty pageant ends in a plausible, realistic way—, and Will meets surprisingly few obstacles and the conflicts with the mother and best friend are resolved too easily. This isn't, however, important as the simple story is quite a charming and heartwarming one that delivers an important message of self-acceptance and self-love. 

The characters of Willowdean could have been more likeable though as she comes off as a kind of grumpy and boring girl with not much of a personality —her soon-to-become friend Millie is way more likeable and charming, and has more personality than her— which makes it difficult to believe that a guy like Luke Benward could throw himself at her, especially when Miss America is throwing herself at him. Danielle MacDonald does a really nice job though, and despite the poor writing Will ends up being sympathetic.

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The other characters too could have used more depth, to be honest. Aunt Lucy —not Paddington's sweet aunt— has a huge impact on Will's life and yet we know nothing about her. At some point, we learn that she frequented a Dolly Parton themed drag queen bar but there isn't any sort of explanations. Was Aunt Lucy a drag herself or is it just random? As for the drag characters, they are only used as comic relief and their struggles are acknowledge at all. 

The highlight of the movie easily is the soundtrack. Dolly Parton's songs are always a delight and really help to lift the film up.

Ultimately, Dumplin' could have used more depth —we can't really complain though, it's not like Anne Fletcher made masterpieces in the past—, but it still quite fun and entertaining, and delivers a nice message.