Snakes on a Plane (2006)

It was January 2016 when I first heard of Snakes on a Place, when many people picked it for the airplane themed week of Thursday Movie Picks. That's for how long I've been meaning to watch this but kept putting it off instead. 

The plot goes like this. After witnessing the murder of an American prosecutor by the powerful mobster Eddie Kim (Bryon Lawson) while on vacation in Hawaii, Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips) is persuaded by FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) to testify against Kim in Los Angeles. For the trip back, they take the entire First Class section of a red-eye flight, thinking that Jones would be safe there. Unfortunately for them and everyone else on that plane, Kim has dispatched hundreds of venomous snakes with a crate with the intent of crashing the plane and hence stop Jones from testifying. 

At this point, we are about thirty minutes into the film. The remaining hour or so is nothing but snakes trying to kill people and people trying to kill snakes. It's certainly not the most exciting of plots; actually, there's no plot here as nothing really happens, it's all very predictable and the biggest plot twist is the steward not being gay —it did leave me speechless though. 

The characters are just as poorly written as they are nothing but horror stereotypes with zero characterization and depth. Most of them have no purpose whatsoever as they die as soon as they are introduced, and they all do the most idiotic, illogical things you could do in such a scenario. They also are pretty annoying and unlikeable, and the only character I cared about was a flight attendant on her last flight who wants to pursue a career as a lawyer, because how on Earth would Julianna Margulies play Alicia Florrick in The Good Wife if she died on that plane?

The acting is bloody awful. Not only most of the performances are beyond wooden, but they also are tremendously cheesy. Samuel L. Jackson and Julianna Margulies are the only saving graces as the first gives quite a humorous although typical performance, and the later is very likeable.

New Line Cinema

The special effects are pretty bad too. From the cartoonish snakes to the incredibly fake-looking plane, CGI certainly isn't Snakes on a Plane's strength. Also, I found the scenes from the snakes' point of view utterly annoying.

All of that being said, I didn't hate the film. Sure, it has many, countless flaws, but there's something it has accomplished, it kept me engaged and entertained throughout the whole running time. That sure is something.

Insidious: The Last Key (2018)

As if Insidious: Chapter 3 wasn't awful and pointless enough, a clear sign that writer Leigh Whennell had run out of ideas, here it comes Insidious: The Last Key, the ultimate proof that Whennell has run out of ideas. 

Set after Chapter 3 and right before the first Insidious, the film mainly revolves around psychic Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye). She is having nightmares with her childhood in New Mexico, where she lived with her small brother Christian (Pierce Pope), her supportive mother, Audrey (Tessa Ferrer), and her abusive father, Gerald (Josh Stewart), who used to hit her every time she claimed she had seen a ghost in the house. It's not long before she gets a call from Ted Garza (Kirk Acevedo), the man who is now living in her childhood house, and asks Elise for help as he believes there are supernatural forces lurking in the house. Reluctant at first, Elise accepts to help Garza and travels to her old house with her assistants, Specs (Leigh Whennell) and Tucker (Angus Sampson).

At this point, I think it comes without saying that the plot is a mess. It somehow manages to be even more convoluted than it was in the previous instalments, it makes no sense whatsoever and therefore the several twists and turns Whennell tries to pull off are confusing and lack any logic. The problem here though is that Whennell tries too hard to add elements that would connect all the films of the franchise together. If only he had just stuck to telling Elise's story, about her childhood and origins, if properly executed --which is a huge if when it comes to this franchise and horrors in general--, it would have been such an interesting and gripping story.

As for the characters, they did something good here. Although I often found Lin Shaye's performance as Elise to be too overdramatic, Elise has always been a solid character, probably the best in the Insidious series. Thankfully, she keeps getting stronger with Insidious: The Last Key. First, it's refreshing for a horror to focus on an old lady instead of the typical hot chick who often happens to be blonde and dumb. Second, the character is nicely developed, her background story is compelling and you'll end up caring and rooting for her. Most of the credits I guess goes to Shaye who yet again gives a strong performance. Her calm presence is a true joy and she proves to be more than capable of carrying the film on her shoulders.

The same, unfortunately, can't be said for the rest of the characters and cast. The first barely has a characterization and absolutely nothing resembling development; the latter isn't terrible but isn't that good either.

Universal Pictures

The direction, third change in four movies, is now in the hands of Adam Robitel whose previous works include Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension. Do I need to say more? Seriously, this guy can't even make the film even --while the first part is slightly scary with your typical horror movie scare jumps, the second part is so flat it wouldn't even scare a child. As for the atmosphere and tension, there's basically none. Sure, you can blame the characters for it as we know from previous films nothing bad will happen to them, but it's definitely Robitel and Whennell's fault if the film has so much comedy which feels forced and never works. This comedy completely ruins the tone of the film and any chance it could succeed as a horror movie.

Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015)

Although Insidious: Chapter 2 turned out to be a huge disappointment, I still decided to check out Insidious: Chapter 3, naively thinking that a change of director and cast could bring the franchise back from the dead. I was wrong as it turned out.

The film is set several years before the events of Insidious and follows Quinn Brenner (Stefanie Scott), a teenage girl who, after trying to connect with her dead mother (Ele Keats), asks psychic Elise Reinier (Lin Shaye) to help her. Elise refuses to help her, Quinn tries again to contact her mother alone against Elise's advice and ends up awakening and being haunted by The Man Who Can't Breathe (Michael Reid MacKay).

This is easily the weakest plot in the series so far --I'm sure The Last Key will prove me wrong tomorrow--, as it is simplistic at its best, it makes absolutely no sense, nor it isn't a bit compelling. It is pretty much event-less for most of its running time and when something finally does happen it isn't that great either. Actually, the ending doesn't pay off at all.

The characters are goddman awful too. They are bland and uninteresting as they lack characterization and development. Most of them --Hector (Ashton Moio), a teenage boy neighbour who has a crush on Quinn; Maggie (Hayley Kiyoko), Quinn's best friend; Harry (Jeris Lee Poindexter) and Grace (Phyllis Applegate), an elderly couple living in the same building as Quinn; and probably more I can't think of right now-- have absolutely nothing to do with the plot, they just appear and disappear without any reason.

As for the acting, it is barely decent which definitely is not enough for a horror movie as I believe it's the believable performances that help a movie scare its audience. Lin Shaye, who once again returns as psychic Elise Rainier, is the only one who somehow manages to give a good performance. Although she is a little too overdramatic at times, her sassy, confident Elise kinda holds the film together.

Focus Features

The direction is a mess as well. Busy filming Furious 7, James Wan left the directing chair to Leigh Whennell, the writer of the two previous films, and Whennell, being this his directorial debut, doesn't quite know what to do. The film indeed lacks the eerie atmosphere Wan was able to deliver with the previous entries of the franchise; the camera work is quite disappointing; the music is often overbearing; the scares are just stupid, cheesy jump scares that couldn't even scare a child. At least Whennell's Specs and Angus Sampson's Tucker provide less comic relief this time.

Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

I think we can all agree Insidious is no horror masterpiece. Despite this and the fact that sequels are usually disappointing, I was expecting Insidious: Chapter 2 to be a solid horror. You know, it's still directed by James Wan, the same guy, Upgrade's Leigh Whannell, wrote it,  and the cast is pretty much the same. And I couldn't have been more wrong. 

The film picks up where the previous left, with Renai (Rose Byrne) being interrogated by a police detective (Michael Beach) about the death of Elise (Lin Shaye). While the police continue their investigation, the Lamberts move in with Josh's (Patrick Wilson) mother, Lorraine (Barbara Hershey), and try to put everything behind them. However, the spirit world isn't done with them yet. 

And we, the audience, have to sit through an incredibly painful film whose plot is complicated, filled with holes and completely ridiculous. In fact, it makes absolutely no sense (I'm still trying to swallow the whole time-travelling ghosts thing). There are some twists, one of which is quite interesting, but unfortunately, they raise more questions than they answer from the first film.

The characters are pretty much the same of the first film, and they are just as bad. They have no development, they say and do the dumbest things, and those two paranormal specialists, Leigh Whannell's Specs and Angus Sampson's Tucker, couldn't get any more annoying than this as they provide the perfect amount of comic relief to kill the atmosphere in any horror movie. 

Unlike in the first time, when the cast somehow managed to do a good job despite the poor script, here the actors are barely decent. While Rose Byrne and Patrick Wilson still do a nice job as Renai and Josh Lambert, especially the latter as he does creepy/psycho very well, the rest of them is meh. 

FilmDistrict

At least the direction from James Wan is still good. Despite the annoying comedy I mentioned above, there's a creepy, eerie atmosphere for a nice amount of the running time and there's a decent amount of tension throughout the film; the camera work has improved; and the scares, although some are so cheesy and over the top, decently work. And the make-up is pretty good. The special effects, on the other hand, are kinda cheap.