WEEKLY NEWSREEL

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic and all you other Christians at sea. Our efforts to provide you with the best of the B-news brings us this week to China. On a serious note, we would be remiss not to mention the precarious situation for Catholics in China, and so we ask for your prayers for our oppressed brethren there. That being said, our intrepid reporters have also ferreted out a number of other less notable stories which contain the essential B-elements you the reader have come to expect from The Newsreel. Now off to press.

DATELINE: LAKE KANASI - ANCIENT CHINESE SECRET, HUH?

Over the past few decades tens of thousands of people have flocked to a small isolated lake in the Xinjiang Province in hopes of spotting Kanasi Huguai, the Chinese version of the Loch Ness Monster. According to the Associated Press, an explanation for the creature might already have been found back in 1980 when a group of 150 scientific experts studying the lake "discovered dozens of huge red fish, each 30-50 feet long and weighing more than four tons, living in the lake." Yet, despite the facts, "throughout summer, up to 4,000 tourists a day flock here... "Everyone in the country has heard of it," a visitor surnamed Zhou says. "It may be a rich fairy tale but the scenery is so beautiful - plus there's this mysterious creature. How can we not come?" We don't know, Mr. Zhou. Perhaps it's because while you're floating around looking for a ficiticious creature you could possibly be mangled or killed by the very real "dozens of huge red fish, each 30-50 feet long and weighing more than four tons!" You might wish to exercise a little Prudence, Mr. Zhou, one of the four cardinal virtues listed in the Catechism. As it is noted, "the prudent man looks where he is going."

DATELINE: HONG KONG - WITH SIX YOU GET EGGROLL... AND HOPEFULLY SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION

The Catechism also notes that Prudence "is the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it." That's something to keep in mind as we peruse this story from Reuters. It would seem that "Hong Kong people hoping to cure their asthma through the age-old remedy of a dish of crocodile meat could instead come down with sore throats, constipation, nosebleeds and insomnia." While these symptoms might sound like nothing more than the common side effects of Nexium or Lunesta, they are in fact the result of something quite non-FDA approved. "Hong Kong's Consumer Council tested 24 samples of crocodile meat from dried seafood shops across the territory and found that 16 were fake, constituted instead from dried lizard or snake." Ugh. Don't blame the customers, gentle readers, it probably all tastes like chicken lo mein going down.

DATELINE: GUANGZHOU - GAME OVER, MAN, GAME OVER

At least the folks in the previous story bothered to eat. The Beijing News reports that a "30-year-old man fainted at a cybercafe in the city of Guangzhou on Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days... Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe." If nobody was going to pass this guy some spring rolls, they might at least have suggested he practice a little of the cardinal virtue of Prudence, which the Catechism considers "right reason in action." Confucius said, "I have seen men die from treading on water and fire, but I have never seen a man die from treading the course of virtue."

That's it for this week's Chinese Newsreel. We know you'll be hungry for more very soon. Until then, in the words of the legendary Les Nessman, "Good evening, and may the good news be yours."