Lock him up

Evidently, I'm the only person on the internet who was A.) NEVER at all enamored of Colton Harris-Moore, aka "The Barefoot Bandit," aka "D.B. Cooper if the D.B. stood for Douche-Bag; and B.) is not at all broken-up over the fact that police finally took the little brat down in the Bahamas: http://gawker.com/5584243/barefoot-bandit-colton-harris+moore-arrested-in-bahamas

For those not up to speed, Harris-Moore is a 19 year-old "career criminal from Washington State who's managed to become a Twitter-generation "folk hero" for engaging in America's favorite sort of crime-spree - i.e. crime sprees committed by middle-class-appearing white teenagers for shits and giggles (America's LEAST favorite sort of crime spree? Just re-read that and mentally run through the opposites.) During his two year run as a fugitive, his exploits have inspired a MASSIVE Facebook-Friendlist, indie-music folk-anthems, YouTube montages and other assorted detritus of a failing culture. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colton_harris-moore

Anyway, the cuffs thankfully went on before anyone got hurt or killed; which is good overall but DOES mean that now The Legend will only be further romanticized: Along with leaving cutsie-poo "calling cards," Harris-Moore was known for stealing airplanes and boats despite not having formal training in the operation of either, and evading cops by "living off the land" in forests; so he'll probably be hosting a damn "survival reality" show when he gets out.

FOR NOW, expect lots of footage of snot-nosed hipsters with handmade support-signs lining the streets wherever he's transported, an innevitable "My Story" book soon to occupy a treasured place on the bookshelf of every faux-"rebellious" douchenozzle in your neighborhood - right between Steve O's autobiography and the complete-collection of completely-misinterpreted Chuck Palanhiuk novels - and an overrated movie built around a "star turn" by a generic "boyish" actor trying to wriggle out of his Disney contract.