My Year? MADE.

Lousy Title, Good Trailer, Killer Premise

It's been assumed for awhile that if "Avengers" is a success it'll spur a interest in other "team-up" movies; but Dreamworks Animation isn't waiting around. Here's the trailer for "Rise of The Guardians," in which an evil force is combatted by a team of famous figures: Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and The Sandman.

Someone didn't think of this sooner because...?

WEEKLY NEWSREEL – 3 1/2 TIME-OUTS TUESDAY (VOL. 18)

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic, and all you other Christians at sea. It’s time for another Weekly Newsreel brought to you again this week by the fine folks at Acts of the Apostasy, home of the 3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday. Now off to press.

I

The Catechism tells us that "every act of war directed to the indiscriminate destruction of whole cities or vast areas with their inhabitants is a crime against God and man, which merits firm and unequivocal condemnation." A danger of modern warfare is that it provides the opportunity to those who possess modern scientific weapons especially atomic, biological, or chemical weapons - to commit such crimes.” Given that, we’re not quite sure what to make of the article published in the December 1946 issue of Atlantic Monthly (via Weird Universe) which chronicled how scientists working for the United States government in World War II tried to devise a bomb which would deliver swarms of bats with incendiary capsules attached to them. The idea was that the bats would find attics, lofts, and other hard to reach places to roost in, and then burst into flame, causing fires which would burn down countless numbers of Japanese paper houses. The Americans eventually abandoned the idea because they didn’t want to be seen as engaging in biological warfare (bats carry a number of nasty diseases) and we here are kind of glad they did so. While not being canon lawyers, we can’t help but see the dumping of hordes of flaming bats onto a civilian population as somehow being “indiscriminate”.

II

Fortunately, most scientists these days are working on studies and surveys rather than engineering animals for mass destruction (although, to be honest, the latter kind of scientist still makes for more entertaining Roger Corman movies). For example, back in November 2011, results were published from a study by the University of British Columbia that suggested that "where there are religious majorities -- that is, in most of the world -- atheists are among the least trusted people…” Unable to pinpoint exactly why religious people mistrust atheists, the lead author of the study group, Will Gervais, speculated that “while atheists may see their disbelief as a private matter on a metaphysical issue, believers may consider atheists' absence of belief as a public threat to cooperation and honesty.” Well, maybe. But perhaps the answer is more simple than that. Just a few days ago, an estimated 20,000 atheists and agnostics gathered in Washington D.C. for the first ever Reason Rally, at which time the keynote speaker Richard Dawkins called to those in the crowd to confront those who hold beliefs such as the true presence in the Eucharist and “Mock them! Ridicule them! In public!” How rational and enlightened. But maybe it goes to show that the answer Mr. Gervais’ question about why religious people don’t trust atheists might simply be because too many modern atheists turn out to be complete anti-social buttheads.

III

And finally, speaking of disgruntled atheists, a study reported earlier this year in The American Journal of Psychiatry noted that the offspring of Protestant or Catholic parents were 76% less likely than the offspring of non-religious parents to experience an episode of major depression. These results are especially interesting when combined with a just published study by Professors Sascha Becker (University of Warwick, U.K.) and Ludger Woessmann (University of Munich, Germany) which shows conclusively that Protestants have higher suicide rates than Catholics. The math seems pretty clear:

Atheists (are less happy than) Protestants (are less happy than) Catholics

Therefore, if you want the best chance of being happy, you should choose to be…

1/2

Now, for all of my non-Catholic readers out there, please don’t bite down on that arsenic capsule just yet. Take note that both the studies mentioned above have some possible geographical issues that might (or might not) possibly skew the results in favor of Catholics. So you see, even in your scientifically proven unhappier lives, there’s always hope.

And on that note, we sign off as is our custom, with the immortal words of the great Les Nessman. Good evening, and may the good news be yours.

A Trailer For The Trailer For The Remake Of "Total Recall."

dundundundun-dundundundun-dundundundun-dundundundun
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!
everybody-sawinception-sonowletsallripoff-itstrailer
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!
colinfarrel-neverhappened-stoptryingto-makehimhappen
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!

Big Picture: "Mutants & Masses"

Because I, evidently, am a glutton for punishment.

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Mutants and Masses

6th Gopo Awards Winners

Last Monday they had the award ceremony and Cristi Puiu's Aurora won top awards even when director did not attend the gala as he had refused to be nominated as he stated that "the awards were not relevant in a film industry with so few features released annually". Winners are in *BLUE. To check winners in all categories go here.

--//--
2/21
Recently the Romanian Film Promotion Association announced the nominations for the sixth edition and here are the nominees for the main categories.

Periferic by Bogdan George Apetri has the most nominations, 12, followed by Cristi Puiu’s Aurora (10) and Mitulescu’s Loverboy (9).

Best Film
*Aurora, Cristi Puiu, Romania, France, Switzerland and Germany
Crulic - drumul spre dincolo, Anca Damian, Romania and Poland
Din dragoste cu cele mai bune intentii (Best Intentions), Adrian Sitaru, Hungary and Romania
Loverboy, Cătălin Mitulescu, Romania, Serbia, France and Sweden)
Periferic (Outbound), Bogdan George Apetri, Romania and Austria

Best Director
*Cristi Puiu for Aurora
Adrian Sitaru for Din dragoste cu cele mai bune intentii (Best Intentions)
Bogdan George Apetri for Periferic (Outbound)
Cătălin Mitulescu for Loverboy

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Ada Condeescu in Loverboy, Cătălin Mitulescu
*Ana Ularu in Periferic (Outbound), Bogdan George Apetri
Natasa Raab in Din dragoste cu cele mai bune intentii (Best Intentions), Adrian Sitaru

Best Actor in a Leading Role
*Bogdan Dumitrache in Din dragoste cu cele mai bune intentii (Best Intentions), Adrian Sitaru
Cristi Puiu in Aurora, Cristi Puiu
Vlad Ivanov in Principii de Viata, Constantin Popescu

To check nominees in all 16 categories go here. Award ceremony will be on March 26, will be broadcast live by ProCinema and will be streamed live at the awards official site premiilegopo.ro.

"Breaking Dawn" Teased

Imagine trying to explain what the hell is being advertised - and why it's worth of all the ominous music-cues - a scant few years from now when basically no one remembers (or wants to remember) that "Twilight" was ever a "thing?"

I Know This Exists, So Now YOU Have To Know This Exists

Old news? Maybe. But still... "Dahmer vs. Gacy." This is actually a movie.

STILL VOICES #013

Santorum Envisions Obamapocalypse

As tweeted by Hollywood-Elsewhere, this is apparently a real Rick Santorum campaign ad:



There are moments of increasing frequency where I honest wish it were possible for Santorum to be the Republican nominee. Not only would he be more likely to lose, but what would amount to a sustained public flogging of the worthless "Christian Right" mindset that both creates and buys into nonsense like this ad would be an enormously positive - to say nothing of entertaining - development.

LIFE’S LIKE A MOVIE: BROTHER FROM ANOTHER PLANET

The acting is spotty (there’s a very fine line between authentic and downright amateur), the story meanders aimlessly like only an indie film can, and home movies probably have a higher budget, but you know, Brother From Another Planet is still pretty enjoyable. The movie tells the story of an unnamed mute three toed alien who flees to Earth in order to hide from his former masters, only to run into a whole new set of problems due to the color of his skin. Yes, The Brother From Another Planet is a ‘message’ movie about bigotry, but it’s a fair message. Plus, by the time the credits roll, the film goes a little deeper than just the basic black vs. white thing (though that is front and center) and embraces the whole immigrant experience in the United States. At the very end (SPOILERS), when it looks like the Men In Black (no, not the ones with the hit theme song) are about to capture The Brother, a large number of people dressed in various uniforms relating to their occupations emerge from the shadows and takedown The Brother’s pursuers. It turns out The Brother is not the only escaped three toed slave on our planet, and even though they all have experienced some bigotry since landing, it’s a whole lot preferable here than where they came from.

I couldn’t help but think of Brother From Another Planet while attending the Rally For Religious Freedom in downtown Atlanta today.

As you can see, down here in Dixieland we had to hold more umbrellas than protest signs, but that didn’t dampen our enthusiasm too much. Despite the rain, we still managed to get over one thousand people at the rally. Not too shabby for the “city too busy to care”. But more interesting than that was the speakers that were on hand. While we had the obligatory politician (actually, a nice guy who’s also a member of the Knights of Columbus), a good number of those who spoke turned out to be immigrants, including our very own Bishop Luis R. Zarama.

And, let me tell you, the immigrants are a little pissed off. The type of unconstitutional overreach which the U.S. government is attempting with the HHS mandate is not what these people moved here for. This is supposed to be the land of freedom, a place that’s better than where they came from. I think it’s safe to say they feel somewhat betrayed.

Still, even though their irritation was evident, the rally was a positive event overall. Which hasn’t stopped the local paper from trying to put a different spin on the event. Having no luck finding a dissenter in the crowd (assuming he was even there), the reporter from the AJC had to call up a representative of Catholics for Choice in Washington just to get an opposing viewpoint. Sigh. But that’s the fight we’re up against. The powers that be will do whatever they can to shape the narrative and marginalize our voices. That’s why today can only be a start. Please, everyone, keep sending those letters and making those phone calls, keep talking to whomever will listen, and most of all, keep praying. Let’s keep this land of ours a place where immigrants want to flee to, not flee from.

Maybe Not Aliens?

Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes are clearly enjoying the amount of free publicity the off-the-cuff "they're Aliens now!" stuff has gotten their previously not-much-commented-upon TMNT reboot; otherwise there'd have been more "damage control." But early on, BadassDigest's Devin Faraci posited that maybe this was all a huge misunderstanding and it was really in reference to a "back to the source" take re: the original Mirage books, where the "Mutagen Ooze" that created the good guys came from T.C.R.I. Labs (T.G.R.I. in the movies, nonexistant in the show) which was actually a front for aliens called Utroms, who in turn inspired "Krang" in the animated series. Looks like he might've called it...

In an interview with Collider, director Johnathan Liebesman offered the following:

"Look, it’s so funny—if everyone was such a die-hard fan, they would know that the TCRI canisters where the ooze comes from.  That is alien ooze."

Well, okay then. This still doesn't help the broader issues - re: that Platinum Dunes is a terrible studio and Liebesman's thus-far sole screen effort ("Titans" isn't out yet) "Battle LA" was horrible - but it's definitely less head-scratching. And while it's currently en-vogue for fans to dismiss the 80s series out of hand (even though it's demonstably impossible for everyone who says they were fans of the Mirage comics first to really have been) I'd bet good money that if the follow-up announcement is "Oh, BTW... KRANG!" the "buzz" turns around right-quick.

Escape to the Movies: "The Hunger Games"

The Bob is not in it's favor.

Also, more mail.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : The Hunger Games

"Cosmopolis" teased

Below, a teaser for "Cosmopolis," which should be chiefly regarded as the next big David Cronenberg project but will innevitably be chiefly regarded as the next desperate stab at giving Robert Pattinson a post-"Twilight" career.

Based on a Dom DeLillo novel, it follows a day in the life (and within the tormented psyche) of a rich New York go-getter. And yes, that does appear to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex attacking a Sbarro at 0:26...

BONUS Big Picture: MAILBAG!

You watch now for making of happy.

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Mailbag

Gay Movies Bits

Weekend. What a wonderful movie, one that I truly wish a storyteller could write and a filmmaker could film but for two women (lol! – that’s how good the story is) but I know will be very different as yes we women do not necessarily behave like here, even when men in this story are very sensitive –and realistic-. Film has been the object of many accolades in LGBT festivals but also in non-LGBT prestigious fests –like for example winning MovieZone Award at Rotterdam fest, the director Andrew Haigh winning the Breakthrough British Filmmaker award at the London Critics Circle Film Awards or Tom Cullen winning Most Promising Newcomer at BIFA- and yes I was very curious about this movie.

Well, movie is absolutely must be seen even when you do not particularly like gay interest movies as not only has very good tech specs, great performances, good directing but also story is very-well developed and one story that is not often told. Be aware that movie starts like if will be like many stories about a one night stand, but if you keep on watching eventually you will start to see that story turns into something more interesting, deeper and compelling, so I suggest being patient.

This is a very lovely movie that I find absolutely different to those that populate the gay or lesbian interest genres, maybe a little bit similar to those films that cast very well-known actors to ease the impact of a gay/lesbian story. But Haigh’s film has not-known actors so film is a lot more realistic, which will hit deeper viewers. Yes, it’s a good movie that I suggest you do not skip even if you don’t particularly like the genre. Enjoy!!! UK.

Watch trailer @MOC

The Big Gay Musical. This is a campy movie that fools around being a musical about how God created Adam and Steve, while the main actors try to find love or long-lasting relationships. The best way to describe this movie is that is the absolute opposite of the previous movie I review and one you can watch only if you feel like seeing something silly but entertaining. Should be honest and tell you that I found movie while changing TV channels and that’s why I saw it. Enjoy. USA

Amintiri din epoca de aur (Tales from the Golden Age)

I believe you don’t need to have lived any totalitarian real life episode to understand this magnificent sarcastic, very dark/black humor, bizarre, and plain funny period comedy/drama collection of short stories about Communism in Romania during the late ‘80s and the so-called Ceausescu Golden Age. All six shorts are written by none other than Cristian Mungiu and directed by Ioana Uricaru, Hanno Höffer, Răzvan Mărculescu, Constantin Popescu, and Cristian Mungiu who directed two episodes.

Stories are based on urban myths, rumors of farcical absurdities that Romanians lived under communist rule; shorts were screened in different order and not all screenings had the six shorts, whilst viewers can have different reactions to the compilation, which somehow simulates what Romanians lived while being in line to buy something, that’s it according to the director.

As a movie has an uniform look and feeling which I assume was not what was expected of having different directors and have to admit that I wonder what would have happened if Mungiu had directed all episodes but settle with would not have been that different as stories in the order I saw them had fluidity and style look quite similar. So from a cinematic point-of-view film is a good representative of the new wave of Romanian Cinema and if you enjoy the form, style and stories from what has become one of my favorite cinemas in the world, then I’m sure you will enjoy these stories that will make you laugh hard, smile and perhaps even shred one tear.

If you enjoy absurd stories with dry black humor then this compilation is for you but please remember that film absolutely belongs to Romanian new wave cinema that is not for general audiences. Still if you love Romanian cinema as much as I do then film absolutely is must be seen for you.

Enjoy!!!

Watch trailer @MOC

The Big Picture: "Found In Translation"

You asked for "Samurai Pizza Cats?" You GOT "Samurai Pizza Cats."

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Found in Translation

NOW SHOWING AT A BLOG NEAR YOU

So what’s showing at a blog near you? ME! I’ve been remiss in noting that about two weeks ago the nice people at Catholic Exchange began hosting my blog (yes, I warned them, but they wanted it anyway). For the moment, it’s the same old stuff you get here, but I told them at some point I’d at least post something once a week just for them. Which I will link to here when it happens, so you won’t miss it. But just in case you’d like to follow this blog over at Catholic Exchange, here’s the link…

THE B-MOVIE CATECHISM at CATHOLIC EXCHANGE

And if you do visit there, be sure to check out the other bloggers. They seem like good folk (even if they are all probably thinking to themselves “Oh well, there went the neighborhood!”).

WEEKLY NEWSREEL: 3 1/2 TIME-OUTS TUESDAY (VOL. 17)

Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Catholic, and all you other Christians at sea. It’s time for another Weekly Newsreel sponsored once again by the fine folks at Acts of the Apostasy, home of the 3 1/2 Time-Outs Tuesday. It’s getting weird out there. Now off to press.

I

DATELINE: NORTH AMERICA – Much hoopla has been made (and rightly so) over the recent poll by the New York Times and CBS News which showed that a whopping 57% of Americans oppose the HHS mandate requiring religious institutions to provide contraception and abortion-inducing drugs. But buried in those results lies the question, just who are the 34% of Americans who actually believe the government has the right to force religious institutions to violate their teachings? Well, in what may be a related story, the latest Angus Reid Public Opinion Poll reports that “people in the United States are more likely than Canadians to consider that Bigfoot is real… In the online survey of representative national samples, three-in-ten Americans (29%) and one-in-five Canadians (21%) think Bigfoot is “definitely” or “probably” real.” So, basically, there’s only a 5% difference (margin of error anyone?) between the number of people who support the HHS mandate and the number of people who believe a secret society of super intelligent ape like beings are roaming the forests of North America. Coincidence? You be the judge.

II

DATELINE: UTAH –  In other woodland news, a study out of Brigham Young University has determined that firing a gun is no more effective in keeping people from injury or death during bear attacks than not using a firearm. After analyzing 269 incidents of bear-human conflicts, “The researchers found no statistical difference in the outcome (no injury, injury or fatality) when they compared those who used their gun in an aggressive encounter (229 instances) to those who had firearms but did not use them (40 instances).” Given the data, the scientists reached a conclusion that only science could possibly provide, that the best way to survive a bear encounter is not to have one. So, after thousands of years of Judeo-Christian teaching, someone still felt the need to fund a study just to prove that it’s wise to avoid the near occasion of bears. Sigh.

III

DATELINE: SOME DARK CORNER OF THE WORLD IN WHICH YOU LIVE – In keeping with the animal theme (sort of), if you know someone who has been looking for that special drink to go along with their extensive collection of tentacle rape anime (and if that someone happens to be you, quit reading this and get your butt to confession immediately), then let them know their long tortuous search is over. The good folks at J-List are now offering their popular Tentacle Grape soda for sale over the Internet. The drink is a regular sell-out at sci-fi conventions, but now you can order yours any time of the day in six-packs or convenient singles. So, not only does pornography (as the Catechism reminds us) offend against chastity, pervert the conjugal act, do grave injury to the dignity of its participants, and immerse all who are involved with it in the illusion of a fantasy world… but now it can rot your teeth out as well. Isn’t that special?

1/2

Frankly, we got nothing after Tentacle Grape. Sometimes after surfing the Internet, you just have to call it a day and go take a hot scalding shower. “Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.”

And with that, we sign off for another week, as is our custom, with the immortal words of the great Les Nessman. Good evening, and may the good news be yours.

Laugh It Up...

Something that's getting old: Otherwise-insightful film writers snarking at TMNT fans for expressing any level of concern about Michael Bay's latest tomfoolery.



I "get" it, sure - fanboys can be some of the most obnoxious, entitled dipshits on the planet; the ongoing nonsense over "Mass Effect" demonstrates as much. But in this particular case I'm not convinced its a good idea to dissmiss the supposed "red flags" being raised out of hand as just another "OH NOES MAH NOSTALGIAZ!!!1!" thing. "Fanboys" can be the canary-in-the-coalmine of pre-production under certain circumstances, and there's more than enough precedent this time: EVERYONE poo-poo'd and snarked when "Transformers" fanboys flipped their collective shit over the early glimpses at what Bay was doing to THAT property; after all... but Chicken Little was RIGHT - "Bayformers" really WAS one of the most noxious, poisonous, anticinematic, artistically-destructive things ever to infect the popular culture...

...and those "whiny fanboys" WARNED. US. IT. WAS. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

Maybe we oughtn't be THIS quick to laugh it off, is all I'm positing, given the track-record of those involved. I'd also offer that its weirdly-incongruous to be doing so the same week that we're all bending over backwards to smile and nod about treating "The Hunger Games" arriving in movie-form like the second-coming (its not, that's all you'll get out of me for now) because we're all relieved that "fangirls" are psyched for something that isn't "Twilight." Just sayin...

CUTAWAYS: BLAZING SADDLES

Given the low brow nature of many of the films we talk about here at the B-Movie Catechism, we’ve naturally never been ones to shy away from the delicate subject of flatulence. Besides, It’s not like we could avoid it even if we wanted to as the average person reportedly produces an average of 14 such events every day (now you know). The venerable practice of inserting fart jokes into popular entertainment has been around since at least the 5th century BC when Aristophanes let a few rip in plays like The Clouds and The Knights, and continued on through the ages, even finding its way into the works of luminaries such as Geoffrey Chaucer and Mark Twain. The Hays Code managed to keep the odorous subject matter out of motion pictures for years, but once the code was abandoned, it was only a matter of time before theater speakers everywhere were trumpeting Hollywood’s new found freedom to blast away. The honor of the first onscreen occurrence of audible flatus most likely goes to Pasolini’s 1971 adaptation of The Caterbury Tales (now you know that too, we’re full of knowledge today), but it was, of course, this scene that finally brought the gag into mainstream movies to stay...

Although it’s probably never been done better than Mr. Brooks did it (although I do have a fond spot in my heart for the Volare scene in Hollywood Knights), since the release of Blazing Saddles we’ve seen (or should I say heard) a non-stop barrage of freeps, rumblers, and breezers in movies, to the point where even a good portion of Academy Award nominees manage to somehow sneak at least one botty burp in.

Alright, by now, I imagine, some of you are probably wondering (assuming you’ve stuck around and read this far) what exactly is the point of discussing this. After all, is this really a topic for nice Church-going people to be wasting time on? Well, the great St. Thomas More certainly thought so. You see, back in 1518, this man whom Pope John Paul II once declared the "heavenly patron of statesmen and politicians", penned an epigram entitled In Efflatum Ventris, or as it’s translated into English, On Breaking Wind. In this satirical piece, the future saint explained, “Wind, if you keep it too long in your stomach,  kills you; on the other hand, it can save your life if it is properly let out. If wind can save or destroy you, then is it not as powerful as dreaded kings?” The man for all seasons wrote this piece during the same period in which he was working on a scathing biography of King Richard III, a book many historians believe was intended as a criticism of the tyranny of all royalty. And while the biography was never published, the epigram was, and it gets the same point across quite nicely, that in the big picture of things, the power of kings amounts to the same as a fart in the wind.

More was only slightly more impressed with elected representatives than he was with kings, but he still found them preferable. He wrote in a more serious work, “A senator is elected by the people to rule; a king attains this end by being born… The one feels that he was made senator by the people; the other feels that the people were created for him so that, of course, he may have subjects to rule. A king in his first year is always very mild indeed. So it is that a consul - one who shares his power - will be at any time as good as a king is in the beginning of his reign. Over a long time a selfish king will wear his people out. If a consul is evil, there is hope of improvement.”

Now, if you’ve been paying attention to the recent debates surrounding the HHS mandate, then you’re well aware that our elected representatives (our consul) here in the U.S. have seemingly forgotten that they are our servants and not our rulers. They have forgotten (or ignored) the fact that an ‘unalienable’ right such as freedom of religion is something that pre-exists the state and is therefore something which can not be given or taken away by any government, but only protected. They have forgotten all of that. Or given the state of our educational system, maybe they never learned it in the first place.

Either way, we’re going to try and remind them. This Friday, March 23, I’ll be joining up with what will hopefully be a sizable number of people in more than 100 cities across the country for The Nationwide Rally for Religious Freedom. The purpose of the rally is simply stated, “Stand Up for Religious Freedom—Stop the HHS Mandate!” If you’ve got the time, feel free to join us. You can check where the rallies will be held in your state at this site. Come on down and help us raise a stink. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Not like, uh, well, you know…

6th Asian Film Awards Winners

A few minutes ago the Hong Kong Film Festival Society announced the award winners and here they are for main categories. Winners are in *BLUE. To check winners in all categories go here. 

--//--
1/17

Today Hong Kong International Film Festival Society announced the nominations and right now official site has crashed due to “capacity problems”! Nevertheless here are the nominees from different sources and will confirm nods as well as post link to official site when site is up again.

Update
Finally I’m in the official site and here is an excerpt from the official press release.

Hong Kong, 17 January 2012 – The Hong Kong International Film Festival Society (HKIFFS) announced today the nominees in the 14 categories and the jury for the 6th Asian Film Awards (AFA). Eric KHOO, Singapore-based director and producer, will take up the mantle of Jury President, heading the panel of international film community notables who will select the winners of these prestigious awards. The Asian Film Awards Presentation Ceremony will be held at Hong Kong Convention and Exhibition Centre Grand Hall on 19 March 2012.

To continue reading press release go here.

Best Film
*Jodaeiye Nader az Simin (Nader and Simin, A Separation), Asghar Farhadi, Iran
Ichimai no hagaki (Postcard), Kaneto Shindô, Japan
金陵十三釵 Jin líng shí san chai (The Flowers of War), Zhang Yimou, China
龍門飛甲 Long Men Fei Jia (Flying Swords of Dragon Gate), Tsui Hark, Hong Kong and China
賽德克•巴萊 Seediq Bale (Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq Bale), Wei Te-sheng, Taiwan
ज़िन्दगी ना मिलेगी दोबारा Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (You Don’t Get Life a Second Time), Zoya Akhtar, India

Best Director
*Asghar Farhadi for Nader and Simin, A Separation, Iran
Teddy Soeriaatmadja for Lovely Man, Indonesia (okay I'm curious about film)
Sono Sion for 恋の罪 Koi no Tsumi (Guilty of Romance), Japan
Tsui Hark for Flying Swords of Dragon Gate, Hong Kong and China
Wei Te-sheng for Warriors of the Rainbow: Seediq Bale, Taiwan
Zhang Yimou for The Flowers of War, China

Best Actress
Vidya Balan in The Dirty Picture, India
Michelle Chen in 那些年，我们一起追的女孩 Na Xie Nian, Wo Men Yi Qi Zhui De Nu Hai (You Are the Apple of My Eye), Taiwan
Eugene Domingo in Ang Babae sa Septic Tank (The Woman in the Septic Tank), Philippines
Leila Hatami in A Separation, Iran
*Deanie Ip in Tao Jie (A Simple Life), Hong Kong

Best Actor
Chen Kun in Flying Swords of Dragon Gate, Hong Kong and China
*Donny Damara in Lovely Man, Indonesia
Andy Lau in Tao Jie (A Simple Life), Hong Kong
Park Hae Il in Choi-jong-byeong-gi Hwal (War of the Arrows), South Korea
Yakusho Koji in Waga haha no ki (Chronicle of My Mother), Japan

Best Newcomer
Ko Chen-tung in You Are the Apple of My Eye, Taiwan
Eric Lin Hui-min in 星空 Starry Starry Night, Taiwan
Maeda Ohshiro in 奇跡 Kiseki (I Wish), Japan
*Ni Ni in The Flowers of War, China
Gita Novalista in Laut Bercermin (The Mirror Never Lies), Indonesia

To check nominations in all categories go here.Can’t help but to comment that infamous Christian Bale is NOT nominated (lol!); I’m so glad as he was really bad on role even when you consider that his character was another century person that used to live in China like “conquerors” do. Got really interested in watching Lovely Man that has LGBT interest, specially in the T, but is the story of a child that finds that her father is a she-prostitute that sells herself in the streets.

As it says in the press release award ceremony will be on March 19.

"Super Best Friends Forever." Watch. Now.

Via The Mary Sue:

Warner Bros., as has been well-established, doesn't have a fucking clue how to turn any DC Comics property that isn't Batman into a movie and/or TV show. Fortunately, their new "DC Nation" animation bloc will continue their proud tradition of contracting the work out to people who DO give a damn. Below, Lauren Faust - late of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" - and company debut the first installment of their mini-sode miniseries featuring Supergirl, Batgirl and Wondergirl.



Supergirl essentially filling the Melissa McCarthy "Bridesmaids" spot (re: kinda-chubby impulsive troublemaker) is all kinds of inspired - of course she'd be impulsive, she's indestructable! And why would someone who just flies everywhere have/need the Romanian gymnast physique of the other two?

The Transforming of Michael Bay

The assumption everyone had been working from re: Michael Bay and the "Transformers" movies was that he had MEANT it when he said he had no real interest in making movies based on an old toy property, and that he was only grudgingly taking the job(s) to build up the "fuck you money" that would let him get the projects he REALLY wanted to make off the ground. Even his surprise re-uppinng for "Transformers 4" had been understood as a condition to secure financing for the long-gestating "Pain & Gain."


But 3 sequels is a looooong time in Hollywood; and now itseems it might be worth asking: Has Michael Bay actually developed a "taste" for junk-culture nostalgia wanks? One can be forgiven for hoping he HASN'T, given how singularly ill-suited his sensibilities are for it, but the evidence is mounting. Remember that brief feeling of relief when it was confirmed that Bay would only be PRODUCING the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" reboot, since that implied he wouldn't be all that involved? Well, it seems he's a more hands-on producer than people assumed: Apparently he's had a hand in the new film's reworked storyline... and fans aren't likely to be pleased with his new vision:

The Turtles are now Aliens. Yup. That'll go over real well...

Higher Ground

I’m really not crazy about religion films but when I see one that shows something special that I haven’t seen before I have to spread the word as not only Vera Farmiga debut film is surprisingly good but also story critiques religion from a very natural point-of-view that becomes quite entertaining. So no matter if you care or not for any religion, film will take you into a nice voyage that starts when Corinne (played by Farmiga) is a child and accepts God followed by a process that will disenchant her from her beliefs; indeed most of all –in brief- film has a woman story worth watching.

Movie has very good –and surprising- tech specs, but Farmiga’s storytelling style is what will engage you and will allow you to watch her film that absolutely showcases Farminga not only as a great performer but also as a good storyteller. Great.

Please do not expect much and I’m sure you will enjoy this film as much as I did; I do recommend film especially to women and to those that are not that crazy about any religion.

Enjoy!!!

Watch trailer @MOC

Escape to the Movies: "Casa De Mi Padre"

Es muy bueno.

"Intermission" sez Happy St. Patrick's Day.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : Casa De Mi Padre

Burton. Depp. "Dark Shadows."

So... Tim Burton's take on "Dark Shadows" boils down to "It's Beetlejuice, but he's the good guy?" Y'know what? I'm on board. I'm digging the whole "my pet vampire-grandpa" thing. This could work...

Japanese "Avengers"

Japanese trailer has, unexpectedly, LOTS of new footage; though no huge reveals that I can see:

AMERICAN BOB: "State of Decay"

American Bob sez States' Rights is stupid:



I'm aware that the onscreen-text for the source of the tax-disparity graphic is a lil' blurry; so to read it just go HERE.

Maybe It's Time To Stop Laughing At "Battleship?"

Y'know what I like about this? I like that the aliens seem to be just green lizard-guys wearing big stompy metal space-suits. That's old-school. I approve.

The Big Picture: "Relics"

Plus a special message...

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Relics

SHORT FEATURE: DEVIL IN A CONVENT

Back in 2011, the British branch of the organization Aid to the Church in Need published a report entitled "Persecuted and Forgotten? A Report on Christians oppressed for their faith." The report claimed that 75% of the religious persecution taking place in the world today was directed squarely at Christians, with most of the life threatening instances taking place in the Middle East, Africa and Asia. Obviously we’re not being killed off here in the States yet, but considering the growing hostility of the American government towards religious institutions here in the Land of the Free (unless you actually believe what the Church teaches), that 75% is a pretty easy figure to accept.

So, they’re out to get us. But, as Pope Benedict XVI reminded us back in 2010, "Today we see in a truly terrifying way that the greatest persecution of the Church does not come from enemies on the outside, but is born of the sin within the Church.”

Now, after watching that short, a person might be tempted to ask, “So, is Georges Melies suggesting that Satan invented liturgical dance and puppet shows?” Wellll… maybe, but that’s beside the point. The main thing to remember is that we must always be on guard against Satan attacking us, even from within our own walls. To maintain such vigilance, His Holiness remarked, “The Church has a deep need to learn to do penance, accept purification, and to learn to ask forgiveness.” Which sounds an awful lot like what we’re supposed to be doing during Lent anyway, right? Hey, just because the new elect preparing to join the Church on Easter are undergoing the Scrutinies during Lent doesn’t mean they’re the only ones who need to be taking a long look at themselves.

Ultimately, Lent is about each and every one of our own ongoing conversions which, as the Catechism reminds us, “is accomplished in daily life by gestures of reconciliation, concern for the poor, the exercise and defense of justice and right, by the admission of faults to one's brethren, fraternal correction, revision of life, examination of conscience, spiritual direction, acceptance of suffering, [AND YES] endurance of persecution for the sake of righteousness.”

Yeah yeah, I know, they just had to throw that last little bit in, didn’t they? Unfortunately, sometimes, it’s just part of the package, something we have to go through as we grow closer to God. But as bad as the persecution gets (and we’ve got a long way to go before we’ve seen the worst), just like in the short, things can still turn out okay in the end. “We can expect that evil will always launch attacks from the inside and the outside” the Pope said, “but the forces of good are also always present, and in the end, the Lord is stronger than evil.”

14th Jutra Awards Winners

Last Saturday Québec Cinéma had the awards ceremony and here are the winners for some categories, to check winners in all categories go here. Winners are in *BLUE. Not surprisingly Monsieur Lazhar sweep the major awards and got seven of the nine categories where it was nominated.

Best Film
Coteau Rouge, André Forcier
Le Vendeur (The Salesman), Sébastien Pilote
*Monsieur Lazhar, Philippe Falardeau
Nuit #1, Anne Émond
Starbuck, Ken Scott

Best Director
Anne Émond for Nuit #1
*Philippe Falardeau for Monsieur Lazhar
Micheline Lanctôt for Pour L’Amour de Dieu
Ken Scott for Starbuck
Jean-Marc Vallée for Café de Flore

Best Actress
Céline Bonnier in Coteau Rouge
Catherine de Lean in Nuit #1
Julie LeBreton in Une Vie qui Commence
*Vanessa Paradis in Café de Flore
Madeleine Peloquin in Por L’Amour de Dieu

Best Actor
Fellag in Mosieur Lazhar
Patrick Huard in Starbuck
Charles-Antoine Perreault in Une Vie qui Commence
Mario Saint-Amand in Gerry
*Gilbert Sicotte in Le Vendeur

One or two films that really call my attention -from those I haven't seen or already know about them-. Looking forward to watch them.

Clever

This is probably old by now; but I get so few opportunities to actually see "regular" TV in the daytime it's new to me. So... yeah, kinda surprising to see a straight-up porno-spoof hawking domestic cleaning product:

Островът, Ostrovat (The Island)

One of the most interesting and surprising films that I have seen lately and one that I strongly suggest you read nothing about the story so you can be surprised as I was as well as many other that have enjoyed the film. Critics and viewers comments tend to manifest dislike for the movie when they were aware of what story was about, so I insist you go “virgin” to this movie.

Can share with you that movie has three parts, the first very brief is quite realistic and has the amazing cameo by none other than Alejandro Jodorowsky; the second happens in a small island in the Black Sea where the main character lives an interior cataclysm and the third happens in a big city, a modern society. The point is that each part has a different style and Kamen Kalev really plays with the styles plus with you, the viewer, if you allow yourself to get inside the story and film. As you can imagine is not a regular art or European cinema, this is quite unusual storytelling that could blow your mind or make you go to the other extreme, bore you to death.

One of the most surprising elements of this film is that is the only film I know where Laetitia Casta has a more than acceptable performance as indeed her performance is very credible; but movie belongs to Thure Lindhardt that speaks Bulgarian phonetically and more than what he says is what he doesn’t say –his face expressions and body language- what really amaze you.

I have not seen Kalev’s debut movie as I really dislike the actor in the lead, but after watching this movie with another not pleasant to watch actor in the lead, I’m warming into watching his first and most acclaimed oeuvre Eastern Plays. I know has to be a good movie as from trailer know cinematography looks spectacular, which by the way in this film cinematography is also spectacular both outdoors as indoors.

First part is so brief that suggest you pay attention as introduction is key to second part that very slowly involved me –almost lost me, so try to endure- but when third part started my reaction was with amazement –incredulity- and you have no idea how could enjoy such a style, story and unconventional ending. This movie is quite unique.

I do recommend to those that really do not like to read about story before watching a movie, like slow story development with some tension building and most of all, enjoy at being surprised with most amusing and unexpected situations.

Big Enjoy!!!

Watch trailer @MOC

MovieBob On Your Radio

Head's up, gang! I am on the radio tonight/tomorrow (March 12th) at 1:15am EST on Dr. Chris Radio of Horror, which you can listen to starting at Midnight EST on WCUW 91.3 FM. Those of you not in the Worcester/Boston area can listen to a stream of the show live at WCUW's site HERE.

Feel free listen for your's truly, but before hand the guest will be the great Trace Beaulieu of MST3K, aka Dr. Clayton Forrester and the original Crow T. Robot so it's probably gonna be a good show all around.

2012 Winter Movie Bits

Here are some bits about movies that didn’t touch me enough, at least enough to write something about them.

This Must Be The Place. I have no clear idea of what was I expecting from this movie but Paolo Sorrentino credentials gave me expectations of an intense cinematic experience. Can’t say movie is bad as it’s not, much less that Sean Penn is bad as he gives an excellent performance but there is something that bothered me. I saw two styles, thus two movies; one I liked, happened in Europe, the other I didn’t, set in USA. Not as intense as I was hoping and wish film styles blended better; hope next Sorrentino film stays in Europe only. Enjoy! Italy, France and Ireland.

Drive. With all the awful marketing promotion I delayed watching as much as possible as imagined movie was going to be very violent. It is not and end up enjoying the story, the performances and fabulous Nicolas Winding Refn style. If you don’t care about violent movies do not skip this one as not only is not that violent but you will be missing a great movie with great actors’ performances and an acceptable story. Enjoy!!! USA.

Martha Marcy May Marlene. Actually I liked movie and as I said after watching if it wasn’t for them talking English I would have say that this is an European movie, maybe German, good German cinema and Elizabeth Olsen has a great performance, should have gotten an Oscar nod as she does world class acting. If you haven’t seen it, do not skip it worth watching no matter how story is. Enjoy!!! USA.

Young Adult. I believe I’m a Diablo Cody fan and really are looking forward to her directorial debut. In a nutshell this Jason Reitman film has outstanding –and very sharp- dialogues and an amazing performance by Charlize Theron, so good that the classic drunk scene made me feel very awkward, so much that had to “close” my ears and really close my eyes. Do not skip this movie as is a fantastic movie about those really dysfunctional individuals that never grow up. Enjoy!!! USA.

The Iron Lady. Meryl Streep does an outstanding performance that in my opinion does not save the movie that should have been more a made for TV movie, unlike the famous The Queen. I really HATED the story as was a not-kind and very unpleasant to watch portrait of a famous woman. There was NO need to tell the story from this point-of-view even when intention was to humanize Mrs. Thatcher. Can you think about an alive male statesman that was an object of a “humanizing” portrait such as this one? I can’t. Anyway even when Streep deserves Oscar I wish the American Academy wouldn’t celebrate her greatness in such a poor movie. Sigh. UK and France.

J. Edgar. Talking about humanizing famous man this Clint Eastwood film does that with perhaps one of the must “larger-than-life” American infamous law iconic figure and in this sense Eastwood absolutely succeeds as Hoover is seen more like a person than a not-so-positive legend. But film has something that makes the end product not outstanding and not relatable. I believe is the screenplay and yes, performances, the later is hard for me say as I believe Eastwood is a master filmmaker, but I know that once in a while he does movies that leave me wondering why he did them and these films have big stars as leads –remember Angelina Jolie movie? Anyway, watch it without expectations and maybe you will learn that Hoover actually did something good. Enjoy. USA

A Dangerous Method. Complex movie, too much psychoanalysis (as it should be) not much entertaining as is very brainy, thus “dry”; but then what was there to expect from a movie about the founders of modern psychology? (lol!) Indeed most of what I heard already knew and had to pay to learn it! Didn’t enjoy much actors’ performances especially Keira Knightley was not good and at times very unpleasant to watch. Watch at your own risk. Enjoy. Canada, UK, Germany, and Switzerland.

Octubre (October). Been waiting a long time to watch this Vega brothers film and no, I was not really impressed with their much praised film. Peruvian cinema has so much evolved and leaped into the international arena that I was hoping for a world class cinema experience. It was not. Movie has more the regular Latin American style and well, has an entertaining story good enough for an entertainment escape moment. Watch at your own risk. Enjoy. Peru.

Un Cuento Chino (Chinese Take-Away). What do you think of a story that starts with a cow falling from the sky into a small boat and killing the woman that was about to get a marriage proposal? That’s exactly how this sometimes comedy sometimes drama starts plus sets the tone and manner to everything that follows. Is an entertaining movie quite well done with the always outstanding and reliable performance by Ricardo Darin. Enjoy!! Argentina and Spain.

Violeta se fue a los Cielos (Violeta Went to Heaven). For me Violeta Parra is an icon and watching her bio was not easy as tells –and made me recall- about turbulent times in the Latin American region not only Chile. Still, I believe Andres Wood does a good job as she was portrayed as what –everyone says- she was, a not pleasant woman. I like her songs and this movie will not change that, but maybe I liked better the idea I had of her in my head than the one portrayed here. Watch at your own risk, especially if you know who Violeta Parra is and her outstanding poetry in her lyrics. Enjoy. Chile, Argentina and Brazil.

Apflickorna (She Monkeys). Lisa Aschan much honored debut film is a very interesting essay on very young and young women –or should I say children?- behavior as story is strong and yes, not easy to watch. But what makes film quite outstanding is Aschan magnificent visual and narrative storytelling style. Looking forward to her next film and suggest you do not skip this movie, but be prepared as story is not light. Yes has some lesbian interest but in my opinion film transcends the label both because story as because the superb filmmaking style, so wider audiences should be able to enjoy this very European movie. Enjoy!!! Sweden. Lesbian interest.

Poulet aux Prunes (Chicken with Plums). After Persepolis I was really hoping for an outstanding story and was looking forward to see how directors move from animation into live filmmaking; then Mathieu Amalric is a very special performer that either you love him in a particular role or you don’t. Here Amalric is the don’t-like kind and live film does not reach the same great levels of their animation film. For me story is not that interesting –at least as much as was Persepolis- even when I recognize that’s magical. Some say is a very French movie, I don’t agree, film does not look or feel French or European at all. But I hope next film by Vincent Paronnaud and Marjane Satrapi regains the magic that Persepolis had. Enjoy! France, Germany and Belgium.

La Source des Femmes (The Source). I was really looking forward to watch this Radu Mihaileanu film with a story that revolves around women. I really like Leïla Bekhti performances as well as excellent Hiam Abbass and good Hafsia Herzi; can’t complain as it was good watching them here but didn’t enjoy much the story as I believe is one I have seen before told in many more compelling ways. Still, visually this film is a true beauty that will feast your eyes. Enjoy! Belgium, Italy and France.

Les Géants. Bouli Lanners films are not easy to watch for me as was unable to watch Eldorado, but wanted to try to watch this Cannes honored movie. I couldn’t, had to stop watching as was feeling physical sick and very uncomfortable. A story of three kids that never imagined could be portrayed so not easy to watch for the most non-sense simple situations. Watch at your own risk. Sigh. Belgium.

Polisse. Not sure what was going to watch here as Maïwenn movies are always not very easy to watch or enjoy. Well, definitively this one has not her usual style and style becomes maybe more commercial as film looks and feels like mainstream cinema –and could extend it to being like a movie made for the small screen. Still film tells a compelling story about children and actors give very good performances, which makes film worth watching. Do not skip it, even if you don’t particularly like French cinema, you will enjoy this movie. Enjoy!! France.

Les Femmes du 6e étage (The Women on the 6th Floor). Watched because Carmen Maura got a Cesar nomination –which she won- but I’m no fan of French comedies as no, I don’t particularly enjoy their humor. Still film is a lot more a drama than a comedy and was a true pleasure to watch Fabrice Luchini performance. Movie is quite watchable and yes I do recommend it for an escape moment, French style of course. Enjoy!! France.

وهلّأ لوين؟ Wo Hallah La Wen? (Where Do We Go Now?) Nadine Labaki mesmerizes me as an actress and most of all as a director. I really LOVED Sukkar Banat (Caramel) so can deny that had HUGE expectations for her next movie. In my opinion her second movie is VERY different to her first and yes, I did enjoy a lot more her first than her second. Story here is very relevant plus her visual and narrative filmmaking style are interesting, but I have seen this story told before in more compelling and emotional ways. Still it was a true pleasure to watch Nadine Labaki in the screen, which makes movie worth watching. I’m really looking forward to her third movie that hope has a more universal story developed with her particular style. Enjoy. France, Lebanon, Egypt, and Italy.

Café de Flore. A very pretentious movie by Jean-Marc Vallée that many say is about love, me I say is an anatomy of a separation told by mirrored stories that happen in the past (Paris) and the present (Montreal) but thanks to pretentious editing –yes editing is what makes this film pretentious- time is senseless crisscrossed, rewind, and forwarded. Better editing could have made mirrored stories more flawlessly intertwined and movie more enjoyable. I really enjoyed Hélène Florent performance and believe she stole the movie. If you don’t mind to watch a movie that moves (too much) in time to tell a story that somehow is predictable (was for me) and journey is not that enjoyable, then watch this film for the love story that many people see in it. Enjoy. Canada and France.

Oslo, 31. August (Oslo, August 31st). Loved Reprise and yes had expectations. Second Joachim Trier film has the same great filmmaking style as his first film but tells a simple story that with his style becomes quite disturbing. So much disturbing that yes, I do suggest you avoid this film as you could get really depressed by Trier’s interpretation of Pierre Drieu La Rochelle’s 1931 Le Feu Follet. Here is not an alcoholic but a drug addict, yet drama is SO well developed that will hurt you inside –where hurts more. Okay, is a very good movie, but find a good state of mind to watch it or you will get very depressed. Enjoy! Norway.

The Artist. Just realized that I didn’t wrote about this movie that in my opinion glorifies Hollywood cinema like no American film has ever done, so it’s no surprise that film became a favorite of critics and the American industry. I enjoyed movie, it was entertaining but as I mentioned elsewhere, if I wanted to honor American silent cinema I could watch so many good films with many excellent silent actors that this film will absolutely pale in the comparison. Obviously film doesn’t look or feel like French cinema and wonder if the honor of being the most honored French movie of all times really celebrates this cinema and not the American one. Watch movie just because won Oscar and if you have to watch all Oscar wining movies. Enjoy! France and Belgium.

I’m sure I forgot many more movies but this is it for today.

Cheers.

Escape to the Movies: "John Carter"

This really needed to be better.

Also, "The Lorax."

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : John Carter

32nd Genie Awards Winners

Last night the Academy had the awards ceremony and big winners are Monsieur Lazhar with six trophies and A Dangerous Method with five. To learn winners in all categories go here. Winners are in *BLUE.

--//--
1/17

A few minutes ago the Academy of Canadian Cinema and Television announced their nominations for the Genie Award and was streamed live here from Montreal. Jean-Marc Vallée’s Café de Flore leads the nods with 13 followed by David Cronenberg’s A Dangerous Method with 11.

Best Motion Picture
A Dangerous Method, David Cronenberg
Café de Flore, Jean-Marc Vallée
*Mosieur Lazhar, Philippe Falardeau
Starbuck, Ken Scott
The Whistleblower, Larysa Kondracki

Achievement in Direction
David Cronenberg for A Dangerous Method
Steven Silver for The Bang Bang Club
Jean-Marc Vallée for Café de Flore
*Philippe Falardeau for Mosieur Lazhar
Larysa Kondracki for The Whistleblower

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Catherine de Léan in Nuit #1
Pascale Montpetit in The Girl in the White Coat
*Vanessa Paradis in Café de Flore
Rachel Weisz in The Whistleblower
Michelle Williams in Take This Waltz

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
*Fellag in Monsieur Lazhar
Garret Dillahunt in Oliver Sherman
Michael Fassbender in A Dangerous Method
Patrick Huard in Starbuck
Scott Speedman in Edwin Boyd: Citizen Gangster

To check nominees in all categories go here. The Awards ceremony will be in Toronto on March 8 at 8:00pm and will be broadcast on CBC Television.

Smother

Even The Crazy-Racist Political Ads Are Better In Europe

DISCLAIMER: I have a feeling this video is probably also cropping up as a "toldja The EU was The Antichrist!" on freakjob right-wing conspiracy-nut sites. Obviously, that's not where I hang my hat; I just thought it was kinda funny/horrifying.

Courtesy Gail Simone's Twitter and the blog "Country Boy Life" I find this incredibly bizzare advertisement (which has apparently now been pulled from circulation) which was supposed to be part of a campaign promote enlarging/strengthening The European Union or "EU." It's a "Kill Bill" riff, in which a (white) woman in yellow/black jumpsuit is attacked in a warehouse by three enemies, whom she defeats by dividing herself into a crowd of clones, surrounding the attackers and ultimately causing them to stand-down and vanish.

The enemies? An Asian kung-fu fighter intro'd with a gong sound, a turban-wearing Middle Easterner with a scimitar (and levitation powers!) and a dreadlock'd black man doing Capoiera. The obvious symbolism is, I'm sure, a complete accident.



Uh... yeah. Wow. So... nice to know The U.S. doesn't have a monopoly on insane race-baiting political ads, I guess. Yikes.

Somehow, They Are Still Making This

Pictured: Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger and Tonto, respectively. In answer to the obvious question: Yes, on his mother's side, apparently.

Johnny Depp in excessive, outlandish makeup and a funny hat? Whoa. Way to think outside the box, guys. I wonder if he has some kind of "offbeat" verbal-inflection?

I for one can't wait to read the Disney Studio P.R. release about how Tonto's look is A.) totally based on a real, extremely specific type of Native American attire - much more authentic than the way Tonto and Native characters in particular have typically been depicted before! - and B.) something that Johnny Depp brought to the table and insisted on and that "the suits" were all like "Noooo!" about but, man, you just gotta go with Johnny cuz that dude is just on a totally different visionary plane, man.

Yeah, okay, whatever. Johnny Depp has a bird for a hat and that's reeeeaaaalllllyyyy weird and everyone has already made that Nicholas Cage joke. What I wanna know is what's up with The Ranger's new look.

Not necessarily that they seem to have ditched the traditional red/white/blue color scheme (red kerchief, white hat, blue shirt typically, though it has differed), but what's the deal with the Marshall's badge? Traditionally, The Lone Ranger is a vigilante - a onetime Texas Ranger (or sometimes the civilian brother of a Ranger) left for dead who adopts an anonymous masked-persona to gain advantage over his would-be murderers. Is he an "official' lawman in this version? And, if so, why the mask?

BMC MOVIE OF THE WEEK: LOOKER

“This fun, silly thriller written and directed by Michael Crichton manages to combine the dramatic murders of beautiful models, a secret conspiracy to use TV commercials for mind-control, and an unusual seeing-eye device which makes the wearer invisible. Plastic surgeon Larry Roberts (Albert Finney) becomes the prime suspect after two models on whom he operated are killed. Larry becomes suspicious because both of the women came into his office asking for very precise and seemingly unnecessary physical alterations. Agreeing to operate, because the women's jobs depended on the surgery, Larry must now clear his own name and save his life and career. With the aid of a friend and model Cindy (Susan Dey), Larry discovers and foils the plot led by corporation-head John Reston (James Coburn). Larry must then fight for his life against Reston's thugs who are equipped with the devices, called "Lookers." This is good, if silly fun and Albert Finney does his best with a somewhat implausible script.” – Rovi’s AllMovie Guide.

March 3, 2012: Saturday of the First Week in Lent (Year B)

You would think a movie written and directed by the same guy who penned Jurassic Park, The Andromeda Strain, and Westworld would be better known than it is, but, sadly, the only thing most sci-fi geeks (the guys anyway) seem to remember about Looker nowadays is that it’s the movie in which Susan Dey (the girl who played Laurie from The Partridge Family) briefly appears nude (in a PG rated film, what the…). Pathetic, I know, but then again, what do you expect from a crowd who still pines away for Slave Girl Leia even though its been almost thirty years since Carrie Fisher could fit into that bikini. The funny thing is, that propensity for men to focus on a woman’s physical attributes is actually one of the things explicitly addressed in Looker. In one scene in particular, Albert Finney’s character is hooked up to a computer monitored headset which tracks what parts of the television screen his eyes are focused on. Needless, to say, when shown a commercial for a soft drink featuring a scantily clad young lady lounging on a sailboat, the good doctor’s gaze is found to wander over everything except for the can of soda itself. This being an obvious problem for the advertisers, the testers instruct the computer to reposition the can to a more, shall we say, strategic location slightly below the actress’ chin.

Now that setup probably doesn’t sound all that science-fictiony given that such scenarios most likely play out hourly on the MacBooks of every advertising agency in the world these days, but remember that Looker was made in 1981, a time when about the best home computer the average Joe could get ahold of was an 8-bit Commodore. So, given that Looker was released decades before moviegoers would see the likes of Gollum, Caesar the ape, & (ugh) Jar Jar Binks, it’s kind of interesting to watch a movie where the central conceit is that computer animated actors will one day come to replace human beings. Of course, this being a screenplay by accused technophobe Michael Crichton, there’s a sinister side to the technology (yes, even more sinister than creating characters like Jar Jar). As it turns out, the reason given as to why digital thespians will become so commonplace is that humans simply aren’t perfect enough.

You see, along with inventing the L.O.O.K.E.R. (Light Ocular-Oriented Kinetic Emotive Responses) hypnotizing gun and a method of brainwashing television viewers utilizing light pulses, James Coburn and the eeevil scientists at the Digital Matrix laboratory also calculated the exact physical measurements a person needs in order to be appealing to the broadest audience. That’s why Finney’s plastic surgeon character has a string of models coming into his office seeking reconstructive surgery for reasons such as their cheekbones are 0.4 millimeters too high or their areola is 5 millimeters too wide. But it doesn’t stop there. Even after all of the models receive the required surgical corrections, Digital Matrix determines that the illusion of perfection is broken once the women start moving around. In order to maintain the desired results, it’s decided that the bodies of the actresses need to be optically scanned into the computers and animated, as digital duplicates, unlike their human counterparts, can be programmed to maintain optimal positioning. Hence the scene in which Susan Dey, much to the delight of Partridge Family slash fiction aficionados everywhere (c’mon, it’s the Internet, you know they’re out there somewhere), doffs her clothing and steps into the world’s biggest scanner. Unfortunately, once all the models are properly pixelated, Digital Matrix decides it no longer needs the live women and begins killing them off to prevent competitors from acquiring their services.

It’s all kind of silly (do you really need a geometrically perfect woman just to sell floor wax?), full of plot holes (hey, we’re the police, but we think we’ll just follow the plastic surgeon around and watch him handle everything), and not well put together (the original theatrical cut of the film notoriously has the reason for the murders entirely edited out), but in the end Looker is still a pretty decent time killer. And in an offhand way, it does make the point that ultimately no man or woman can hope to achieve perfection. Just read Romans chapter 3 if you need to confirm exactly how lousy we all are at even when we try. Which makes this last Saturday’s gospel reading a bit disconcerting, because in it Jesus bluntly tells his disciples, “So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Does this reading mean Jesus is demanding the impossible of us?

Well, not really. See, this is another one of those cases where it would be handy to have someone majoring in Biblical language studies hanging around the house while you’re reading Scripture. It turns out that in the original Greek, the word we have translated as ‘perfect’ is ‘telios’ which does not mean being sinless or without any flaws, but rather means being completed or brought to full purpose. Taken in this sense, something is ‘perfect’ only when it is fulfilling its highest calling. For example, in Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers, the killer cat creature uses a piece of corn-on-the-cob to stab a policeman in the back. Now, while it might be possible to use corn-on-the-cob in this fashion (you know, in some alternate universe where corn is made of the same substance as Wolverine’s claws), that is not what corn is purposed for. Corn-on-the-cob is only ‘complete’ when it serves the purpose for which it was made… to be eaten. Preferably drenched in hot cholesterol packed butter. Mmmmm.

Sorry, I digress. This whole no nighttime snacks during Lent is getting to me.

Anyway, what this means is that when Jesus is instructing us to be perfect, he’s not suggesting we scrupulously get hung up over our most minute flaws, but rather that we make the attempt to fulfill our highest purpose. And to find out exactly what that purpose is, all we need to do is go back a few sentences and read a bit more of Saturday’s gospel. “You have heard that it was said, you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers and sisters only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.” In short, we are only ‘complete’ as human beings when we strive to love others in the same way God does.

Which, considering some of the jerks out there, is probably harder than reaching physical perfection or shoving a piece of corn through somebody’s back. But we have to try, right?