Batman & Robin Movie Review

Batman & Robin (1997)

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Written by: Bob Kane (Batman characters), Akiva Goldsman
Directed by: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, Michael Gough, Pat Hingle, Elle Macpherson
Rated: PG-13
Watch the trailer

Plot
Batman and Robin try to keep their relationship together and try to stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City.

Verdict
It's amazing just how bad this is. There's a lack of story, plot, development, acting, directing, writing, and more. This is aggressively bad, so much so it seems that had to be the goal. The dialog is little more than puns and quips. There is no reason to care about a single character and perhaps worst of all, this is just too long. I knew I was in trouble when we got consecutive shots of both Batman and Robin's rubber clad rears, an image that filled the entire screen just thirty seconds into the movie. The last quarter of the movie was so boring I was hoping for a disc error just to stop the suffering.
Skip it.

Review
This is the fourth Batman film, which makes it strange that the third film is called Batman Forever. That seems like the perfect title for the fourth film.

This movie was so bad it derailed the franchise. The fifth film, Batman Unchained to be directed by Joel Schumacher was never made. All the actors would have been back in addition to the Scarecrow, Harley Quinn, and potentially Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Rumor has it George Clooney declared the franchise dead immediately after shooting, vowing never to reprise the role.
Schumaker later tried to resurrect the franchise with Kurt Russell as a Year One story, but it obviously didn't happen. The Batman movies were rebooted in 2005 for Christopher Nolan's trilogy.

Even the trailer for this movie looks stupid. The first shots are closeups of Batman & Robin gearing up, including full frame shots of their codpieces and rear ends.  We're not even thirty seconds out of the credits. Who watched this opening and said, yes, that's a great introduction to this film? There is no way someone thought that.

The first line, from Robin, is "I want a car, chicks dig the car." I've never hated a movie so quickly. This is the first movie where the Batmobile only has one seat. I'm guessing just to set up that line. The dialog is mostly quips and puns.

 

The first villain we see is Mr. Freeze, who can only make puns about ice and being cold. Arnold made twenty five million for six weeks of work. It's foolish to be in this movie, but equally foolish to pass up that pay day. He's the only one that realizes this movie is a joke.
Freeze is robbing the museum until Batman jumps in by shattering a skylight then slides down a Brontosaurus statue. He starts at the head, slides down the neck, body, and then tail. Cartoons aren't this silly.

I'm surprised this movie didn't hurt the careers of everyone involved. There aren't any large gaps on their IMDB pages. Clooney didn't seemed to be harmed at all. I blame Schumaker the most and he kept on working.

Batman and Robin have a tenuous relationship in this movie. They fight over Poison Ivy later, but even in the beginning Batman seems genuinely angry that Robin saved his life. Then they jump out of a rocket and surf during a free fall.

We're introduced to Bane and Poison Ivy without any development to make us care for them. Poison Ivy's origin seems to be exactly like Catwoman's from Batman Returns but with plants. I don't know how she became a human-plant hybrid. Poison Ivy's role is to provide lots of exposition. At one point she reveals her entire plan in a room full of reporters but no one seems to hear her. That's of course after Bane drove her there wearing a trench coat and fedora as a disguise, his Bane mask still in place.

At one point this movie pauses so Batman can reveal a Batman credit card and state "never leave the cave without it." It's the dumbest thing I saw in this movie and that's including Clooney's abhorrent acting in a scene with his girlfriend, Mr. Freeze smoking a cigar and all his puns, and Robin hanging off a ledge by his toe with Batgirl.

At some point Batman and Robin begin bidding on Poison Ivy after she jumps out of an ape costume. They bid into the millions with Robin stating he'll borrow it from Batman. They are in a crowded room and the only one in the entire town with millions would be Bruce Wayne. The only way his identity wasn't revealed is that the people of Gotham must be as dumb as this movie.

The most well developed story line is Alfred being sick, and that is not a compliment. This is such a chore to watch. There are too many characters, no central theme, and it just throws crap at the screen hoping something works. Every other character is developed more than Bruce Wayne/Batman. Coolio even makes a cameo.
The sets aren't good, but you can tell the cost a lot of money. Take away the production budget and this movie is worse than the average B movie.  There is no way cast and crew didn't realize this was bad during filming. The studio must have been assuming they could coast on the previous movies. This is just a collection of set pieces, nothing more.

The amount of situation specific gadgets is ridiculous even for Batman. Alfred made a suit and vehicle for Batgirl with no one even noticing. How does he play butler and make all this stuff? He also digitizes his consciousness before the movie Transcendence  and anticipates everything Batgirl will ever do.

The Batgirl subplot goes from bad to ludicrous. I really hoped this movie would just end mid scene. I don't understand Freeze's plan. If he wants to save his wife, focus on that instead of wasting time on freezing the city. How would he even maintain that temperature in the city?

This movie is oddly self aware and meta at times, but it's always forced and strange.

Batman & Robin was nominated for the most Razzies in 1998, but Kevin Costner's The Postman ended up actually wining the most. I actually like The Postman. Batman & Robin is easily much worse. I don't know if it was a franchise issue or Costner being an easier target. The Postman won worst picture, director, and script. That's surprising since this has no script, it's a collection of one liners and zingers. The directing is terrible. I'm glad Schumaker didn't make a sequel.