SHORT FEATURE: THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME

So, the number one movie at the box office this past weekend was The Conjuring, a fairly well-received haunted house movie with Catholic undertones. Oh yeah! Of course, I ended up seeing Turbo for Aleteia instead, a movie about a snail that goes really fast. Sigh. One of the hazards of having a ten year old, I suppose.

To be fair, I actually did appreciate the urban setting of Turbo and the attention paid to the details in the animation, but the story… meh. And even though I liked the visuals, sometimes old school non-CGI effects are just more enjoyable. For instance, if you really feel the need to watch something with speed, it’s hard to go wrong with this classic short.

The creator of the short, Mike Jittlov, eventually got around to turning The Wizard of Speed and Time into a pretty fun full length picture, but oddly enough given the subject matter, it took him nine years to do so. Who knows, while funding probably had a lot to do with the delay, maybe Jittlov just liked to take his time.

As someone who has been burning the candle at both ends recently due to work and family concerns, the idea of slowing down isn’t all that appealing right at the moment. But maybe it’s necessary. Contemplating the Year of Faith, Bishop Edward J. Weisenburger notes that ‘busyness’ is one of the chief obstacles in our spiritual life. “The truth is that God’s voice is vibrant and alive within us” his excellency writes, “but we silence it when we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed with the busyness of life. Abraham needed the silence of the desert to hear the voice of God. Scripture and sacred tradition reveal this consistently in the lives of the patriarchs, prophets, saints and indeed Jesus himself. There is no spiritual alternative to silence and simplicity of life if we are to nurture a relationship with the Father. We can heal the wound of busyness only when we rediscover the joy of simplicity — of doing less and discovering more, of quieting our lives to hear God’s voice. The wound is busyness. The healing balm is a simplicity of life and quiet stillness that allows the voice of God to begin a conversation with us.”

So it sounds like it might be a good idea to slow things down a bit, maybe even break out this old chestnut just to set the mood…

Not at mass, though. Anybody starts playing anything remotely similar to that at mass and I’m outta there as fast as my feet can carry me.

THE B-LIST – THE TOP 6 WORST PLACES TO BE BURIED

While recently reading through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith (Day 185 to be precise), I ran across a quote from St. Monica regarding the handling of her mortal remains after her approaching death. “Put this body anywhere!” she said, “Don't trouble yourselves about it! I simply ask you to remember me at the Lord's altar wherever you are.” The good lady said this because she understood, as the Catechism explains, that “the Eucharistic sacrifice is also offered for the faithful departed who ‘have died in Christ but are not yet wholly purified,’ so that they may be able to enter into the light and peace of Christ.” So, saint or no saint, Monica was taking the possibility of time in purgatory seriously and wanted to make she was covered in case of that outcome.

Still, I have to wonder if she would have been quite so nonchalant about her body’s resting place if she had seen some of the movies I have. Here are some of the worst places in cinema history to be buried.

1. Buffalora Cemetery from Cemetery Man (1994)

Sure, we Christians believe in a bodily resurrection, but we prefer to wait until Jesus comes back around before we get to it. At Buffalora, you’re barely in the ground before you’re back up and looking for a quick snack… of human flesh!

2. The pet cemetery from Pet Sematary (1989)

Pretty much the same situation as Buffalora, except you have the added olfactory displeasure of waking up next to a bunch of dead cats.

3. Morningside Cemetery from Phantasm (1979)

Still, being a zombie isn’t the worst thing you could come back as. If you have the misfortune to be laid to rest at Morningside, there’s a strong possibility the Tall Man will dig you up and compress your body into that of a mindless inter-dimensional dwarf. Then he’ll dress you up like a Jawa.

4. Cuesta Verde Estates from Poltergeist (1982)

While being dug up is no fun, getting to stay in the ground is no picnic in a horror film either. There’s always the chance some land developer will decide to build a subdivision on top of you, requiring your ghost to cause a little ruckus to get them to leave.

5. Midian from Nightbreed (1990)

And if it’s not the humans moving in, it’s the monsters. The main problem with having a bunch of mutants build a city underneath your gravesite is that the local backwoods militia won’t like it, and they always seem to have a few rocket launchers sitting around.

6. The unnamed cemetery from Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)

Now you’d think the problem here would be the aliens running around trying to resurrect the dead for their own evil purposes, but that’s not really it. The problem is all the cheap cardboard tombstones. We pay you guys thousands of dollars for a site and a marker and that’s all we can expect? Put a little effort into it, why don’t you?

Oh well, it’s all temporary after all.

CUTAWAYS: THE THREE AMIGOS

Day 162 of reading through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith has rolled around, and this little nugget popped up. “God speaks to man through the visible creation. The material cosmos is so presented to man's intelligence that he can read there traces of its Creator. Light and darkness, wind and fire, water and earth, the tree and its fruit speak of God and symbolize both his greatness and his nearness.” Of course, I understand that the Catechism is speaking about hearing and seeing God in nature much in the same way you recognize an artist’s hand in a painting. But still, wouldn’t it be neat if we really could hear what nature was saying…

Hmm, probably better to just skip all that and keep reading the traces like God intended in the first place.

CUTAWAYS: LEGEND

Oh sure, there’s plenty of things wrong with Ridley Scott’s epic fairy tale Legend, just ask every single person on the Internet and they’ll be happy to launch into a diatribe about shallow characters and inappropriate use of modern vernacular. But despite its problems, the parts in Legend that work do so really well, especially Rob Bottin’s make-up and Tim Curry’s scenery chewing performance (I’m pretty sure that’s the only kind he knows how to deliver) as Darkness, the living personification of evil.  Plus, if you look really hard, mixed in amongst all the fairies, unicorns, and goblins, you just might find a pretty good symbol for the Church. Take a look.

Did you catch it? That’s right… it was the plates. Yes, the plates, you know, the ones Jack and his pals used to reflect the sunlight from the surface down into the depths to bring doom to Darkness. You see, while perusing the selection for Day 113 of reading through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith, I was struck by the paragraph that notes how “according to a favorite image of the Church Fathers, the Church is like the moon, all its light reflected from the sun.” The Catechism calls to mind this imagery while discussing the part in the creeds in which we profess our belief in the holy Catholic Church. It does so that we always remember “not to confuse God with his works and to attribute clearly to God’s goodness all the gifts he has bestowed on the Church… The Church has no other light then Christ’s.” In short, the only light we have to shine on the shadowed evils of this world come not from us, but are reflected from God above. Without his light, we are powerless before darkness.

THE TWELVE CLIPS OF CHRISTMAS: DAY 2–THE INSECT’S CHRISTMAS

Well, as fate (or good planning) would have it, Day 77 of reading through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith recounts a familiar tale. “Jesus was born in a humble stable, into a poor family. Simple shepherds were the first witnesses to this event. In this poverty heaven's glory was made manifest.” So, from the very beginning, Christmas has asked us to focus our attention on the poor, the overlooked, the small. Some people, of course, carry this to the extreme…

But extreme or not, you have to appreciate how the insect family in our short feature is quick to accept “Father’s invitation.” That’s another thing besides their seeming unimportance that they have in common with the shepherds who were told of the birth of Christ. In his recent book ‘Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives’ Pope Benedict XVI notes of the shepherds that “they were among the poor, the simple souls whom Jesus would bless, because to them above all is granted access to the mystery of God (cf Lk 10:21f.) They represent the poor of Israel, the poor in general: God’s first love.” But as His Holiness goes on to point out, it’s not simply the shepherd’s poverty that allowed them to receive such a special invitation. “Another element has been particularly emphasized by the monastic tradition: the shepherds’ watchfulness. Monks set out to be watchful in this world – in the first place through their nocturnal prayer, but above all inwardly, open to receiving God’s call through the signs of his presence.”

You see, there were a lot of folks in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. In fact, if we’re to believe the gospels, the local inns were overflowing with them. But none of them even noticed what was happening out in the manger. It was only those who were “watching” beforehand who got to see the Lord. Advent may have been about waiting for His coming, but Christmastime is about looking for Him in the here and now. The invitation to see him could come at any moment, we just have to keep watch for it.

CUTAWAYS - PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END

You might remember that the last time we brought up reading through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith, we tossed around the idea that while we Catholics use a number of formulas in our worship, it is the deeper realities those formulas express which are important. And that’s why we should get the words used during mass as correct as possible, so that those realities are represented properly. But getting the words right is only the first part of the equation. The second part comes up in the reading for Day 28 in paragraph 197 which states, “As on the day of our Baptism, when our whole life was entrusted to the "standard of teaching", let us embrace the Creed of our life-giving faith. To say the Credo with faith is to enter into communion with God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and also with the whole Church which transmits the faith to us and in whose midst we believe.”

So what’s the Catechism getting at? Well, it’s pretty simple really. It’s the same thing old one-eyed Ragetti tries to get across to Captain Barbosa in this scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. (Sorry, the only copy I could find was from some guy who pointed his camera at his TV screen, but it’s clear enough to make the point.)

You see, what even the scruffiest of scallywags realizes is that you can recite the words of a formula as correctly as you want, but if you don’t mean them… they’re useless. It’s only if we say our Credos with faith that they allow us to enter into communion with our God. It’s an obvious truth, but probably one that it wouldn’t hurt to recall during those times at mass when we’re tempted to just roll off the responses by rote.

KLAATU BARADA NNN… ERR… WAS THAT SAY THE BLACK AND DO THE RED, OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

We’re well into the fourth week of our undertaking to read through the Catechism in one year as a part of the Year of Faith, and FINALLY there’s an opportunity for an Army Of Darkness reference (I mean, seriously, how can you run a respectable B-movie blog without the occasional Army Of Darkness reference?). To be specific, we’re talking about the scene in which our hero Ash is being questioned by the village wise man as to whether or not he properly performed the ritual necessary to safely retrieve the dreaded Necronomicon. The exchange went something like this…

Wiseman: When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?

Ash: Yeah, basically.

Wiseman: Did you speak the exact words?

Ash: Look, maybe I didn't say every single little tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

Of course, we viewers know better, don’t we? But just in case there are (inexplicably) some of you out there who still haven’t seen Army of Darkness, here’s what actually occurred…

Let’s face it, some words you just want to get right. Take the 3rd edition of the Roman Missal released in 2011, for example. The 1969 and 1980 translations were fine and served us well at mass for decades, but the 1st & 2nd edition translators had used the dynamic equivalent approach (meaning for meaning) rather the formal equivalence method (word for word), so even before 1980 Church scholars were already pointing out possible concerns with the phrasing. And you want to get the wording of the mass as correct as possible because, as the Day 24 reading of the Catechism points out, “We do not believe in formulas, but in those realities they express, which faith allows us to touch. "The believer's act [of faith] does not terminate in the propositions, but in the realities [which they express]." All the same, we do approach these realities with the help of formulations of the faith which permit us to express the faith and to hand it on, to celebrate it in community, to assimilate and live on it more and more.” So, while some of the new phrasings in the 3rd edition are admittedly clunky to modern ears (yes, I’m looking at you “consubstantial”), they’re preferable because they get closer to the ultimate realities the mass is trying to convey.

And besides, as Army of Darkness taught us, if we get the words wrong… the mass will explode.

Okay, that may not be true. But still, you want to get the words as right as possible.

SHORT FEATURE: KATE BUSH – EXPERIMENT IV

The attempt to read through the Catechism in one year as part of the Year of Faith continues, and as often happens around these parts, my brain is making some pretty weird pop culture associations. For instance, the reading for Day 15 immediately brought to mind this old sci-fi influenced music video…

So, I suppose you might be wondering what in the world a woman warbling about weaponized sound could possibly have to do with the Catechism? Well, just take a gander at paragraph 102:

“Through all the words of Sacred Scripture, God speaks only one single Word, his one Utterance in whom he expresses himself completely: You recall that one and the same Word of God extends throughout Scripture, that it is one and the same Utterance that resounds in the mouths of all the sacred writers, since he who was in the beginning God with God has no need of separate syllables; for he is not subject to time.”

I’m pretty sure you can spot the dichotomy that set my mind to musing. While Kate’s song is about a single manmade sound that induces instant death, the Catechism, riffing on St. Augustine, describes The Word as a single-syllable utterance by God that echoes throughout eternity and brings life to us all. You know, the Catechism might not delve into poetic territory too often, but that image of Jesus as God’s single note that sparks all of creation is vividly expressive. Is it any wonder that C. S. Lewis appears to have co-opted Augustine’s train of thought with his description of Aslan’s creation of Narnia through the use of song in The Magician’s Nephew.

“In the darkness something was happening at last. A voice had begun to sing… Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself. There were no words. There was hardly even a tune. But it was, beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise ever heard.”

Nice, huh? I like that there’s passages in the Catechism that brings these type of associations to mind. It’s too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that what we’re reading through is nothing more than a bloodless textbook when in fact it can be a guide to some of the most beautiful things that “whoever has ears ought to hear.”

A STRANGE (AND POWERFUL) LOVE: OR HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE NEW EVANGELIZATION

“Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you KEEP it a SECRET! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?” – Dr. Strangelove

As noted in the my last post, The B-Movie Catechism will be participating in the Year of Faith by, among other things, having another go at reading through the entire Catechism in one year. In fact, I’m going to follow the advice of regular commenter Xena and not just read the CCC, but pray it with Lectio Divina. And since part of Lectio Divina is to “pause and recall if some word or phrase stood out or something touched one’s heart” I thought, hey, maybe a few times a week I could use that as fodder for rambling blog posts share anything interesting that might come to mind while reflecting on the readings. Oh, and obsessively find a way to connect it to some movie, of course. This is The B-Movie Catechism, after all. If you want heavyweight commentary, it’s probably a good idea to find a blog that doesn’t use a Zuni Fetish Doll as its avatar.

So what stuck out during the very first day? Well, since a part of the Year of Faith is to promote The New Evangelization, I couldn’t help but be struck by how much the first ten paragraphs of the CCC concentrate on… wait for it… evangelization. Paragraph 1 appropriately starts with explaining how “God sent his Son as Redeemer and Savior” but then paragraph 2 immediately jumps into “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” and then keeps on going with stuff like “Those who with God's help have welcomed Christ's call and freely responded to it are urged on by love of Christ to proclaim the Good News everywhere in the world.”

Look, I know a lot of Catholics are uncomfortable with the idea of verbally communicating their faith to others. At least I know I am, preferring the idea of ‘show, don’t tell’ when it comes to living breathing face to face conversations. But the Catechism seems pretty clear in reminding us that Christianity is a ‘show AND tell’ kind of religion. And why shouldn’t it be? After all, if what we believe is true, then we’re talking about developing a deeply personal relationship with the creative force of the universe, a love affair with the mind of eternity played out through the mundane actions of our day to day lives (clever people will catch onto the fact that I just described a sacramental marriage, probably one of the reasons why God calls the Church his bride), so why wouldn’t we want to use every means at our disposal to share access to that with others? It’s kind of like that famous quote from Dr. Strangelove wherein Peter Seller’s titular character laments the fact that the Russians didn’t announce their doomsday weapon until after it had been triggered. What good is having a thing of such ultimate consequence if you never bother telling anyone about it until it’s too late? And what could possibly be of more consequence than our personal relationship with God? Why aren’t we telling the world, EH?

NOW SHOWING: THE YEAR OF FAITH

I’m sure everyone will remember this conversation from Beetlejuice:

Barbara: I hate this. Just… can you give me the basics?

Adam: Well, this book isn't arranged that way. What do you wanna know?

Barbara: Well, why did you disappear when you stepped off the porch? Are we halfway to heaven? Are we halfway to hell? And... how long is this gonna last?

Adam: I don't see anything about heaven OR hell. This book reads like stereo instructions. Listen to this: "Geographical and temporal perimeters. Functional perimeters vary from manifestation to manifestation.” Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.

You know, I can kind of sympathize with the ghosts of Adam and Barbara as they struggle with The Handbook For The Recently Deceased. Why? Because I’ve spent my fair share of time trudging through Church documents, that’s why? Apostolic Exhortations, Letters & Constitutions. Papal Enycyclicals. Moto Propios. The Code of Canon Law. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are beautiful. But some of them make stereo instructions seem like the works of Shakespeare. Despite the truths they contain, the dense writing style in some of those documents can be overwhelming, especially for the person who is just beginning to develop an interest in delving deeper into the philosophy and teachings of the Church.

That’s why it was such a big deal when the Catechism first hit the streets in 1992, offering as it did “a statement of the Church's faith and of Catholic doctrine, attested to or illumined by Sacred Scripture, the Apostolic Tradition and the Church's Magisterium.” Pope John Paul II went on to declare the Catechism “a sure norm for teaching the faith and thus a valid and legitimate instrument for ecclesial communion.” Given all that, a person could do a lot worse than actually taking the time to read through the thing. 

Now, as I embarrassingly forgot, but Cari over at Clan Donaldson fortunately remembered, Flocknote is providing a program that will allow you to read through the Catechism over the course of one year as a part of the Year of Faith. Here’s how it works.

“Every morning you'll receive an email with everything you need to read for that day. Additionally, if you're interested, you can click the "View or Reply" button at the bottom of any email and it will jump you to a page where we can all comment and converse about that day's reading as a community.  (Tweeters can use #Catechism, too.)

Do your little bit each day and it will be easy. And you'll also learn why the Catechism is one of the great treasures of our Church.

If you get behind...catch up (or just jump ahead)! We're in this thing together. As of right now, there are about 27,000 other people doing this with you! And the list is still growing.”

I’ve already read through the Catechism once using this guide from the Coming Home Network, but I’m signed up with Flocknote to do so again. After all, since I’ve got the word Catechism in my blog title, it’s probably not a bad idea to keep brushing up on it. Anyway, feel free to join in if you feel so inclined. Just keep in mind what everybody’s favorite alleged deathbed convert Oscar Wilde once said, “It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.”