The Paperboy (2012)

Despite my aversion for Matthew McConaughey —the less I see of this guy, the better I feel— I watched The Paperboy anyway because it has Zac Efron and Nicole Kidman peeing on his face and genitals and I wanted to see what he did to deserve that. 

The story follows an idealistic reporter, Ward Jansen (Matthew McConaughey), who returns to his hometown when Charlotte Bless (Nicole Kidman) asks him to prove that Hillary Van Wetter (John Cusack), the man she met via letters and whom she is in love with, on death row for the murder of a sheriff, is innocent, and drags his college-drop-out younger brother, Jack (Zac Efron), into the investigation.

It's not the first time I see a "let's prove this man is innocent before he's executed" story on screen, but The Paperboy sure knows how to stand out from the crowd as it's very different from anything I've seen before. Unfortunately, the story is rather confused, it feels dragged and, as it progresses, it becomes less and less interesting. Also, there are many pointless subplots that kind of get in the way and distract from the main storyline.

The characters aren't much better. They are quite contrived and bizarre, they lack characterization and development —the film is filled with one-dimensional caricatures—, and they are unlikeable and difficult if not impossible to sympathize with. I didn't even care about any of them, except for Efron's Jack, who sadly isn't much more than a horny young man, and yet you care about him because he's about the only innocent person in here. 

Despite this, the actors, at least some of them, still manage to do a very good job and make The Paperboy a little more bearable. Nicole Kidman is great as Charlotte Bless, an ageing bimbo/nymphomaniac/slut who has formed a relationship with a convicted man via letters, John Cusack is pretty creepy in the role of Hillary Van Wetten, the man on death row, and Zac Efron does a pretty good job as the innocent, inexperienced Jack. As for McConaughey, he is completely wooden. 

Millennium Films

The acting, however, is not enough to conceal how trashy The Paperboy is. It just deals with racial and sexual contents in a stupid, soap-opera-like way, and there are some scenes that are beyond uncomfortable to watch, and I'm not talking about Nicole Kidman peeing on Zac Efron, but Kidman tearing the crotch from her tights so that John Cusack could masturbate in front of everyone else.

Con Air (1997)

It's been almost four years ago since I first heard of Con Air —I remember it so well because it was a popular pick for one of my first weeks of Thursday Movie Picks and I joined the series in 2015— but I never gave it a try because, being honest, Nicolas Cage is not my cup of tea. 

The story follows United States Army Ranger Cameron Poe (Nicolas Cage) who, after serving eight years in prison for manslaughter, is getting out on parole and goes home to his wife (Monica Potter) and the daughter (Landry Allbright) he has never met. Unfortunately, Poe has to share a plane with some dangerous criminals and when the prisoners, led by Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom (John Malkovich), take control of the plane, he must find a way to stop them while playing along.

Needless to say, the plot to Con Air is beyond far-fetched and it gets to a point where it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever as it alternated between plot holes and "what the fuck" moments. There's also a subplot involving the most badass of the criminals, one Garland Greene, played by Steve Buscemi, that goes pretty much nowhere. However, it's all so over-the-top, the fast-paced plot ends up being somewhat engaging and entertaining.

The characters too are pretty badly written. They are indeed incredibly thin with their lack of characterization and development —I can't even remember these guys' names— and they all are over-the-top; however, it's the way they are introduced to us the worst thing about them —we are given a quick, sloppy description of each criminal which makes each of them look like very dangerous fellas when they actually aren't that dangerous.

And don't even get me started on the dialogue which is some of the most dreadful and idiotic my ears have ever heard. However, the actors, specifically Nicolas Cage, have a way of delivering their lines that the dumb dialogue ends up being funny. Not as funny as Cage's hilarious southern accent though —apparently, he travelled to Alabama to "perfect" his accent. I guess he travelled to an inhabited place. Or he was high and travelled with his mind only— or Cage's long hair blown by the wind. There are also a few good-ish performances in there, from John Malkovich who is brilliant as the evil Cyrus the Virus, and Steve Buscemi who makes a very creepy criminal —I wish he had more screen time.

Buena Vista Pictures

The action is also tremendously over-the-top —from explosions to fighting to guns fire, everything is overdone and exaggerated, all the time. The special effects aren't particularly good either. The songs never, I repeat, never fits their scene —okay, this is not entirely true as the song in the ending fits very well— and they have quite a comical effect because of this, not to mention how cheesy some of them are. 

All of that being said, Con Air is a lot of fun to wach.

January 2015: The New & the Notable

Well, the end of December certainly was brutal. I don't know about you, but I'm still feeling a sharp ringing behind the ears from so many sacked titles. And if this month's upcoming losses are to be believed, the carnage is far from over. (Don't you dare take away my Coupling and Fawlty Towers! Or BBC faves like Dr. Who and Luther and Top Gear and...)

So, has Netflix decided to atone for these accumulating sins by rolling out an irresistible roster of January movies and series? Not so much. I mean, yes, there are good�and even great�titles that showed up this month. But fully a third of those were returning after a brief absence, so we've not only encountered most of them in the past year, but in all probability they'll pull another vanishing act in 3-6 months.

Not that I'll ever argue with returning titles The Apartment, Chinatown, Marathon Man, or Sunset Boulevard. Those should form a permanent foundation beneath the service�an impregnable Wall of Classics (if you'll forgive the mixed architecture)�especially paired with newcomers The French Connection, Fantasia, Marty, the original Robocop, Moonstruck, Mystic River, and Swingers. But considering the damage done to Netflix's pre-1982 catalog in the past couple of months, it's going to take a heck of a lot more to restore my confidence in the service's ability to maintain a respectable mix of both classics and newer titles.

In the meantime, here's the breakdown of what's queue-worthy:

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July Highlights: Slow on the Update

No two ways about it: there were some pretty good additions to the streaming catalog this month (even if it's taken me longer than usual to note them). I've been finding it tricky to do much more than update the new and expiring lists this summer, but in place of a GONE FISHIN' sign, how about we break down the best of the new titles into more manageable chunks? We'll start with the prestige pics, which include numerous multi-Oscar winners, and work our way through the classics, the so-bad-they're-good, the rewatchables, and the returned. And just to mix things up, we'll put each list in chronological�as opposed to the usual alpha�order.

PRESTIGE PICS

Patton (1970) - George C. Scott kills it as the erstwhile general, in an Oscar-winning script by Francis Ford Coppola
On Golden Pond (1981) - Jane and Henry Fonda team up with Katherine Hepburn; a bit mawkish but well-acted and beautifully filmed
Sophie's Choice (1982) - Meryl Streep in the first of her many world-changing performances
Gandhi (1982) - Richard Attenborough directs Ben Kingsley in this epic Oscar-winning tale
Eight Men Out (1988) - John Sayles guides a stellar ensemble cast (John Cusack, David Strathairn, Charlie Sheen, Christopher Lloyd) in this understated, intriguing account of the infamous "Black Sox" Scandal
Philadelphia (1993) - Tom Hanks shows he's serious, nabbing his first Oscar for Best Actor in Jonathan Demme's AIDS drama, which also stars Denzel Washington
Dead Man Walking (1995) - Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, more Oscars
City Of God (2002) - Searing, must-see drama set in the slums of Rio de Janeiro, filled with incredible filmmaking and unforgettable performances by a non-professional cast
Venus (2006) - Peter O'Toole in a late-career performance as an aging actor who finds himself falling for a young model. But will she fall for him back?
The Master (2012) - Joaquin Phoenix, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams all got nominated for Oscars in this latest exercise in intensity from Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Punch-Drunk Love)

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Slippery When Wet: THE ICE HARVEST

"Just act normal for a few hours and we're home free."

This advice, dispensed to Charlie Arglist (John Cusack) by partner-in-crime Vic Cavanaugh (Billy Bob Thornton), is, of course, the crumbling bedrock on which many a crime film is built. And yet Cusack's weak-willed mob lawyer, who along with shady businessman Vic has just ripped off Charlie's boss to the tune of $2 million, truly believes in the perfect crime. As he explains in The Ice Harvest's opening narration, pulling one off is "only a matter of character."

But character is in short supply where Charlie is concerned. Waiting for the city's icy roads to clear before he and Vic can hightail it out of Wichita, Charlie spends one of history's most depressing Christmas Eves laying low at a favorite strip club, acting anything but normal. It's not long before he's dragging behind him a trail of interested parties, including mob enforcer Roy Gelles, strip club owner Renata Crest, an ass-kissing cop, a favor-seeking politician, and Charlie's drunken buddy Pete (Oliver Platt), who happens to be married to his ex-wife. Meanwhile, Vic is no longer giving Charlie the warm fuzzies about their shared plan, adding to his growing paranoia.

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