One Day (2011)

Nine years ago I bought David Nicholls's One Day only to stop reading it after a hundred pages because I didn't like it. Years later, when I learnt that it had been adapted into a movie starring Anne Hathaway, I decided to watch the movie instead to know how the story ended. And I did not like it. Earlier this month I gave the book another chance and I liked it enough to consider giving the film another shot. Unfortunately, unlike the book, the second time was not a charm. 

The story follows the lives of Emma Morley (Anne Hathaway) and Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess), starting with an almost one-night stand on their graduation night, on July 15, 1988. They decide to stay in touch but, over the course of eighteen years, they grow apart as they choose different paths and we are shown what they are up to on the same day, July 15, every year. 

Despite the fact that it's relatively faithful to the source material —there are so many pointless changes though, like Emma and Dexter not having sex on graduation night, and Dexter teaching in Paris instead of Rome—, Lone Scherfig's One Day is a lacklustre adaptation as the plot is never compelling; on the contrary, it's rather dull and often feels dragged, and the year-skipping is handled so terribly, it feels as if a drunk, maybe Dexter himself, made the film.

No matter how uninteresting and unengaging the story ended up being on screen, the worst aspect of the screenplay easily is the characters.  The persona of Emma Morley has been simplified so much that she comes off as some annoying, bitchy damsel (in distress) waiting for Prince Charming instead of the smart, independent, successful woman she is in the novel, and her witty sense of humour is nowhere to be found. As for Dexter, he is just a wasted, selfish alcoholic with no depth whatsoever. Where's the dreamy, charming man from the book? The one Emma falls in love with? The one the reader/the audience falls in love with? In addition, the thoughts of the characters are completely left out. I get that it was not that easy to translate them on screen, but how are we supposed to care about them and be emotionally invested if we don't know anything about them? I'm not a fan of voice-overs but in this case, it could have helped. The supporting characters are so flat, shallow and bland, they are not even worth mentioning. 

Focus Features

With such a poor script and probably even poorer direction, there's nothing the actors can do to elevate the film. The problem is that they don't even try. Anne Hathaway gives yet another boring performance and her Yorkshire accent is atrocious, Jim Sturgess gives such a cheesy performance, and the chemistry between them is just off. As for the supporting cast, One Day does a wonderful job at wasting such a talented actress as Patricia Clarkson. 

Despite all the flaw, One Day isn't a complete waste of time. While it certainly isn't the most absorbing and involving stories on screen, some parts of the story are quite interesting, the cinematography is quite beautiful, the scenery is gorgeous and the soundtrack, although some song choices are beyond cheesy, is pretty good. 

Serenity (2019)

I read something about a brilliant, mind-blowing twist on Twitter a while back so, despite my aversion for Matthew McCounaghey, I decided to check out Serenity. And now I don't know how I feel, whether I'm angry about the fact that sarcasm doesn't translate well over text or astonished about the fact that some people actually believe that was a clever twist. 

Anyways, the story follows Baker Dill (Matthew McConaughey), a down-on-his-luck fishing boat captain who is obsessed with catching "Justice", a giant tuna fish (no, it's not Jim Halpert). One day, his ex-wife Karen (Anne Hathaway) shows up and offers him a deal, $10 million to drop her new, violent husband, Frank (Jason Clarke), into the ocean for the sharks to feast on him and pretend it was a fishing accident. 

The thing I just can't understand is how you go from creating something as brilliant and compelling as Peaky Blinders to creating something as horrific as Serenity, and that's exactly what writer and director Steven Knight did. In here, he delivers a predictable and ridiculous story that makes absolutely no sense, filled with so many incongruencies and plot holes you could make a sponge out of it, subplots that are introduced only to be forgotten, and a twist that, god, it's so weird and random and ludicrous.

As if the awful plot wasn't enough, Serenity also has tremendously one-dimensional, hollow characters who deliver the corniest and most unrealistic dialogues ever and whose interactions are some of the most illogical I've ever seen.

The cast, on the other hand, does a tremendous job as their performances fit the script to perfection. Matthew McConaughey gives such an amateurish performance it's embarrassing, and he makes it incredibly hard to believe that it's an Oscar winner you're watching. Going around shirtless and butt-naked, that's something he's very good at though. Anne Hathaway is just as bad with a performance that seems like a noir parody gone wrong. And I'm sorry for the men, she does not show her boobs, for some unknown reason she has sex with her bra on. Actually, there's a reason and it'd be even more fucked up if she took it off. Jason Clarke does a great job though. He plays the abusive husband so well you really want to see him at the bottom of the ocean. Or maybe you just want him dead so that this dreadful film will end. Either way, you will hate the shit out of him. Among the cast, you can also spot a Diane Lane paying Matthew McConaughey for sex, a sexy Djimon Hounsou as a fisherman and a Jeremy Strong wearing a suit and creepingly staring at McConaughey.

Aviron Pictures

In addition, the editing is as pleasing as seeing two dogs fucking in the middle of the road. On a Sunday morning. When you are with your mother. I know that because that's exactly what happened to me an hour before I watched the film. The cinematography is dreadful, one awful and stupid shot and camera movement after another.

It's only March but I think we have already found the worst movie of 2019. And to those saying Serenity will be the new The Room, have you lost your fucking mind? That movie is a whole different level of bad, so bad that it's almost a comedic masterpiece. This film? This is not hilarious, it's just laughable.

Ocean's Eight (2018)

Ocean's Eleven is one of my favourite heist films ever. It's fun, entertaining, clever and the chemistry between the actors, it is simply wonderful. That's what I was hoping I would find in Ocean's Eight, the all-female spin-off of Ocean series. Unfortunately, it wasn't nearly as good as the "original" (in case you didn't know, Soderberg's film is a remake of a 1960 film, also named Ocean's Eleven, starring Frank Sinatra).

Newly released from prison, Debbie Ocean (Sandra Bullock), the young sister of Danny Ocean, puts in motion her five-year-in-the-making plan: she is going to get Cartier to lend a $150 million diamond necklace to a vain actress, Daphne Kluger (Anne Hathaway), for the exclusive Met Gala where she is going to pluck it off the actress's neck. To pull off the heist, she assembles a team of talented women.

The plot is pretty much garbage. It's often implausible and it is filled with gigantic holes. What's worse though is that it's not exciting nor that entertaining as it lacks suspension and surprises --there are twists, but they couldn't get more predictable-- and because of that, it ends up being quite boring to follow. It is simply too straightforward for me to really enjoy it --I love my heist movie guys to struggle a little, but everything goes according to plan here.

Another problem with Ocean's Eight is that it lacks interesting characters. They are just heist movie stereotypes and as such, they have no depth whatsoever. We don't get their background stories --what is all that sexual tension between Sandra Bullock's Debbie and Cate Blanchett's Lou about?-- and they lack strong motivations.

Warner Bros. Pictures

Then there's the cast. Some of the women in the film can't even act --Rihanna and Mindy Kaling-- and most of those who can do a terrible job. I love Sandra Bullock and the chemistry she has with Cate Blanchett is amazing, but she is kind of a boring lead. Anna Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter do a pretty good job though, respectively as the vain actress and her quirky designer. Carter stole the scene every time she was on screen for me. James Corden is pretty good too. He basically plays himself only with another name --he's not an actor, after all-- but he is the one, the only one, who delivers the humour in the final part of the film.

Despite the poor writing and the mediocre to say the least acting, Ocean's Eight doesn't qualify as the worst film of the year. Although the humour is flat at times, there are several humorous moments that will keep you interested, and to watch the heist being pulled off was entertaining despite the lack of tension.